Thu, 11 September 2014
"No damsels in distress. No pretty castles. No such thing as Robin Hood."
Well it just goes to show that even curmudgeonly old Time Lords can get things wrong occasionally, although the TARDIS team do also manage to encounter a Robot of Sherwood or several during their sojourn in Merrie England.
Hair is plucked, sandals are sniffed, targets are incinerated and a baddie is cast into a vat of boiling gold.
All in a day's work for Spoonman and Clara.
But does the episode hit the target or plummet into the moat of obscurity and derision?
Listen in and find out...
Mon, 8 September 2014
"Top layer, if you want to say a few words."
Ooh that 12th / 14th / 271st Doctor is a silver-tongued charmer, isn't he?
Perhaps being poked into a mental Dalek has upset his equilibrium? Or maybe not. Who knows? Who nose? etc. etc.
So Jim and Martin go Into The Dalek and try to discover why the Doctor looks so sheepish, if Clara's was a happy slap, what makes punters qualify for Missy's Heaven and if random words do a character name make.
Listen to their aimless pontifications here.
Fri, 5 September 2014
"And don't look in that mirror. It's absolutely furious!"
Peter Capaldi is the Doctor and Jim and Martin escape their Classic Who bonds to observe him in his inaugural outing, Deep Breath.
It's a Victorian melodrama, featuring a newly-coatless tramp, two attack eyebrows, some amazingly tolerant Londoners and the only restaurant with a negative Michelin star count.
Is age just a number? Does offing a clockwork robot count as homocide? And is Murray Gold really playing a kazoo?
Find out here. Maybe.
Mon, 18 August 2014
"Clever. Clever. Clever."
Well, if the Cybermen are that bloomin' clever, they'd target the more body-conscious members of The Moonbase crew with their veiny virus too.
Never mind, the silver giants have plenty more plans up their practice golfball-studded sleeves and this spells trouble for the internationally-branded Boyz N The Base.
But they reckon without Gollum Doctor, a lead-swinging Jamie, Polly the Barista, and Ben "Know-it-all" Jackson.
Will the Cybermen be able to cope with the gravity of the situation? Just what will fire extinguishers look like in 2070 AD? And is Dr Evans the most active dead man in history?
Find out (maybe) here!
Sat, 19 July 2014
"You may be a doctor but I'm the Doctor – the definite article you might say."
A statement of intent from the fresh and dewy Tom Baker in his first ever story, Robot.
As well as being introduced to the boggle-eyed Bohemian, we continue the Adventures of Sarah Jane Smith, politely clap Benton's latest promotion and discover what the Brig does with his car keys (and more) at the weekends.
If that wasn't exciting enough, we also meet a crazy-haired professor, an unusually silent politician, a camp Neo-Nazi and Dennis Waterman's Hitlerian ex-wife – not to mention the limp-wristed tin man of the title.
So does the first Bakerian era start with a big bang or a wimpy whimper? Listen in to find out what Jim and Martin make of it all.
Tue, 24 June 2014
"This fellow's bright green apparently. And dead."
What's that you say? Green? And, more importantly, dead? This must be the 1973 Jon Pertwee quorn-clogged classic, The Green Death, then.
Wherein the Doctor escapes from Metebelis III and seeks comfort in some cosplay while Jo finds love, the Brig finds a dinner suit at the bottom of his overnight bag and Mike Yates finds the true inner peace that only BOSS's brainwashing can bring.
The miners display the survival instincts of lemmings, Dai and Fell fulfill their nominal destinies and Stevens reveals the new staff perk for Global Chemicals employees – a fully equipped S&M dungeon.
Throw in some horrific maggots and some horrifically bad special effects and you have something of a great big melting pot – of "delicious" fungus soup.
So is this a case of "there's lovely"? Listen in and find out.
Wed, 21 May 2014
"Lord Niiiimon… it is I, Soldeed…"
Words to strike terror into every self-respecting Doctor Who fan.
Yes, Jim and Martin scrape the very bottom of the cavernous Who barrel this time and confront The Horns of Nimon.
The budget is low but the camp is oh-so-very high. Tom Baker and Graham Crowden compete to bite the biggest chunks out of the unimpressive scenery, accompanied by the wrong Romana and the incorrect K9, while Janet Ellis longs desperately for her Blue Peter job offer to come through the post.
Marvel as trained dancers balance enormous bull masks on their heads and themselves on their ludicrous platform shoes. Gasp as the co-pilot flaps his jowls like a demented bloodhound. Consider suicide as Crowden and Baker have the time of their lives, at the expense of the production and its tormented viewers.
But is it so bad it's good? Or is it so bad that it'll split your trousers?
Listen in for Jim and Martin's verdicts on this pseudo-mythical mess.
Wed, 16 April 2014
"You can't mend people!"
Well tell that to a doctor – Who or otherwise.
And the Kinda can mend doolally folk too, turning them from sociopaths to simpletons by simply opening a box. A bit like Deal or No Deal in reverse.
But is Kinda a box of delights or one of Pandora's old cast-offs?
Well, Nyssa's barely in it so that's a promising start but Adric's face freaks Martin out, the presence of both Nerys Hughes and multiple Tegans sends Jim into a priapic frenzy and a moccasin-faced local keeps spouting spiritual riddles.
The Doctor is an idiot, Tegan has narcolepsy and Adric keeps trying to twok the TSS. Couple that with a jester who badly needs his puppet (and more) stamped on, an effete bloke from That's Life roaring like a frightened vole and the Universe's least enticing bouncy castle and you have something of a mixed bag.
But, when it comes to Kinda fans, are Jim and Martin among the We or the Not-We?
Listen and find out.
Wed, 19 March 2014
"The events will happen, just as they are written. I'm afraid so and we can't stem the tide. But at least we can stop being carried away with the flood!"
And there's a veritable flood of unexpected stars in the Season One closer, The Reign of Terror.
Rowan Atkinson captures the younger three-quarters of the TARDIS team, while Jonny Vegas bangs them up. Bill Murray busts them out only for Ian to nearly come a cropper at the hands of Rentaghost's Mr Meaker, who himself has another bust in mind when it comes to Babs.
And an extra gets his moment in the sun too – quite literally – as William Hartnell's Lime Grove-inspired agoraphobia prevents him from indulging in a spot of location filming.
The first Doctor's old body may already be wearing thin after walking all the way to Paris but he looks as robust as Charles Atlas next to his galactically feeble granddaughter Susan, who does more to imperil the time travellers than either First Deputy Robespierre or the last-past-the-post Traitor Party.
But even in 1794 or 1964, nothing is black and white, so who’s right and who’s wrong? Robespierre or Renan? Barbara or Ian? Jim or Martin?
Listen and decide…
Fri, 21 February 2014
"Chap with the wings there… five rounds rapid!"
And lo… animated gargoyle, Bok, was treated to several speedy ales at Ye Olde Cloven Hoofe tavern, a far preferable fate than a dance with Mike Yates.
Yes, it's the 1971 occult classic, The Daemons – a satanic saga of a renegade reverend, a vile verger, tiresome TV chaps and a reticule-swinging spinster.
Yates and Benton are wearing civvies, Jo's wearing a sacrificial robe and the Doctor's just wearing.
Who is the Brig's bedfellow? Just what does Garvin get up to with ferrets? And has there ever been a valid justification for Morris Dancing?
You'll burn up with excitement. You'll freeze in terror. And you'll believe a sprightly yellow roadster can drive itself.
Open up the podcast and bring death and destruction to your mental faculties…