Tue, 24 June 2014
"This fellow's bright green apparently. And dead."
What's that you say? Green? And, more importantly, dead? This must be the 1973 Jon Pertwee quorn-clogged classic, The Green Death, then.
Wherein the Doctor escapes from Metebelis III and seeks comfort in some cosplay while Jo finds love, the Brig finds a dinner suit at the bottom of his overnight bag and Mike Yates finds the true inner peace that only BOSS's brainwashing can bring.
The miners display the survival instincts of lemmings, Dai and Fell fulfill their nominal destinies and Stevens reveals the new staff perk for Global Chemicals employees – a fully equipped S&M dungeon.
Throw in some horrific maggots and some horrifically bad special effects and you have something of a great big melting pot – of "delicious" fungus soup.
So is this a case of "there's lovely"? Listen in and find out.
Wed, 21 May 2014
"Lord Niiiimon… it is I, Soldeed…"
Words to strike terror into every self-respecting Doctor Who fan.
Yes, Jim and Martin scrape the very bottom of the cavernous Who barrel this time and confront The Horns of Nimon.
The budget is low but the camp is oh-so-very high. Tom Baker and Graham Crowden compete to bite the biggest chunks out of the unimpressive scenery, accompanied by the wrong Romana and the incorrect K9, while Janet Ellis longs desperately for her Blue Peter job offer to come through the post.
Marvel as trained dancers balance enormous bull masks on their heads and themselves on their ludicrous platform shoes. Gasp as the co-pilot flaps his jowls like a demented bloodhound. Consider suicide as Crowden and Baker have the time of their lives, at the expense of the production and its tormented viewers.
But is it so bad it's good? Or is it so bad that it'll split your trousers?
Listen in for Jim and Martin's verdicts on this pseudo-mythical mess.
Wed, 16 April 2014
"You can't mend people!"
Well tell that to a doctor – Who or otherwise.
And the Kinda can mend doolally folk too, turning them from sociopaths to simpletons by simply opening a box. A bit like Deal or No Deal in reverse.
But is Kinda a box of delights or one of Pandora's old cast-offs?
Well, Nyssa's barely in it so that's a promising start but Adric's face freaks Martin out, the presence of both Nerys Hughes and multiple Tegans sends Jim into a priapic frenzy and a moccasin-faced local keeps spouting spiritual riddles.
The Doctor is an idiot, Tegan has narcolepsy and Adric keeps trying to twok the TSS. Couple that with a jester who badly needs his puppet (and more) stamped on, an effete bloke from That's Life roaring like a frightened vole and the Universe's least enticing bouncy castle and you have something of a mixed bag.
But, when it comes to Kinda fans, are Jim and Martin among the We or the Not-We?
Listen and find out.
Wed, 19 March 2014
"The events will happen, just as they are written. I'm afraid so and we can't stem the tide. But at least we can stop being carried away with the flood!"
And there's a veritable flood of unexpected stars in the Season One closer, The Reign of Terror.
Rowan Atkinson captures the younger three-quarters of the TARDIS team, while Jonny Vegas bangs them up. Bill Murray busts them out only for Ian to nearly come a cropper at the hands of Rentaghost's Mr Meaker, who himself has another bust in mind when it comes to Babs.
And an extra gets his moment in the sun too – quite literally – as William Hartnell's Lime Grove-inspired agoraphobia prevents him from indulging in a spot of location filming.
The first Doctor's old body may already be wearing thin after walking all the way to Paris but he looks as robust as Charles Atlas next to his galactically feeble granddaughter Susan, who does more to imperil the time travellers than either First Deputy Robespierre or the last-past-the-post Traitor Party.
But even in 1794 or 1964, nothing is black and white, so who’s right and who’s wrong? Robespierre or Renan? Barbara or Ian? Jim or Martin?
Listen and decide…
Fri, 21 February 2014
"Chap with the wings there… five rounds rapid!"
And lo… animated gargoyle, Bok, was treated to several speedy ales at Ye Olde Cloven Hoofe tavern, a far preferable fate than a dance with Mike Yates.
Yes, it's the 1971 occult classic, The Daemons – a satanic saga of a renegade reverend, a vile verger, tiresome TV chaps and a reticule-swinging spinster.
Yates and Benton are wearing civvies, Jo's wearing a sacrificial robe and the Doctor's just wearing.
Who is the Brig's bedfellow? Just what does Garvin get up to with ferrets? And has there ever been a valid justification for Morris Dancing?
You'll burn up with excitement. You'll freeze in terror. And you'll believe a sprightly yellow roadster can drive itself.
Open up the podcast and bring death and destruction to your mental faculties…
Mon, 20 January 2014
"It's the end… but the moment has been prepared for."
The final words of the boggle-eyed mentalist octogenarian Tom Baker, just prior to being trampled by a crusty ballet dancer and so triggering his metamorphosis into the world's wettest vet.
Jim and Martin start this episode by skewering The Time of the Doctor but then evaluate another regeneration story, 1981's Logopolis.
The fourth Doctor is old and grumpy and the Master is new and campy, while Adric "wunts" to help, Tegan wants to fly and Nyssa just wants to have fun, despite losing her step mother, father and planet in short order.
Can Noel Edmonds keep the fabric of the Universe together? Can the Doctor's plan to literally flush out the Master be any more ludicrous? And can Anthony Ainley make any more of a meal of pressing a button?
Listen here to find out.
Mon, 16 December 2013
"Proof! Proof! Proof! It always comes back to the same thing."
Well that's what we were all saying when rumours were rife about the recovery of missing episodes, and is also the Doctor's mantra in this now-extant artefact.
Recently exhumed six-parter, The Enemy of the World, is the tale of a Hancock-alumnus with rant-management problems, a shouty youth with claustrophobia and a wet girlfriend, and a jug-eared sociopath who has his hair chewed rather than cut.
The Doctor, meanwhile, is wearing his hair in a new way, Jamie is wearing a gimp suit and Victoria is just wearing.
Did the helicopters, hovercrafts and most pointless piece of machinery in Who history blow our minds or just the budget?
Find out here.
Tue, 26 November 2013
"I don't want to go!"
A popular phrase this Doctor Who 50th Anniversary weekend. And maybe Jim didn't fancy the visit to Martin's house and all the danger that entailed.
But there was Who to be celebrated and our intrepid podcasters braved crowds, a clergyman and an under-cooked Dalek cake to pay their respects to the venerable Time Lord.
And here's what they made of the veritable (Verity-able?) smorgasbord of Who delights...
Mon, 18 November 2013
"This doesn’t roll along on wheels, you know!"
So there you have it, time travel technology explained in a nutshell.
Yes, it's An Unearthly Child - the first ever four episodes of a wee programme called Doctor Who. We give it six months, if it's lucky…
It's a grimy old saga that begins with a foggy junkyard, a crafty old weasel and a police box that's ALIVE!
Then we go back to our roots and join a convivial bunch of skull-cracking cave people, including a greasy-wigged leader, a prehistoric Lady Macbeth, a mighty-nosed sex pest and a poor man's King Yrcanos.
Ian gets a shock, Babs gets hysterical, Susan gets her freak on and the Doctor gets on everyone's nerves.
Fagin takes on Greg Sutton in a bone-splitting, pumpkin-smashing fight to the death, while Babs borrows Susan's infamous trip-every-trip footwear for a moonlit dash to TARDIS.
So is the dawn of Mankind a good place to kick off our favourite Adventure in Space and Time? Listen in and find out…
Thu, 24 October 2013
"Like a nine year old trying to rebuild a motorbike."
Not a description of Jim and Martin attempting to produce a remotely professional podcast but the words of a very unusual lady...
Sigh with ennui as Jim and Martin try to understand The Doctor's Wife, despite failing ever to have done so with their own.
Yes, it's that surreal saga where the TARDIS trio land on a friendly planet and witness the exciting new dance duo 'Patchwork People', who put on a memorable show despite possessing three left feet between them.
And where the House Grill speciality is a meaty, sausage-fingered hand in a questionable bap.
But what does Jim keep in his sculleries? And, after 50 years of the show, has Martin really developed an allergy to watching people run through corridors?
Find out in the podcast which is definitely smaller than it appears from the outside.