Wed, 12 November 2014
"I am an idiot with a box and a screwdriver."
So after 12 weeks of soul-searching and self-scrutinisation, this is the conclusion the Doctor comes to.
Not the only disappointment, perhaps, during the two-part Series 8 finale, Dark Water and Death in Heaven.
Clara is not the Doctor, Missy is the Master (though perhaps not one worthy of the name) and Dead Danny becomes a Cyberman who saves the world. So far, so predictable.
But a Time Lord travelling by Mary Poppins' umbrella, an undead metallic Brigadier and skeletons who become Cybermen after a bout of inclement weather are a little less by-the-book.
But did Jim and Martin feel it all amounted to a satisfying end to the excellent Series 8? Or an embarrassing, drunken hurling-up after a feast of great Who?
Listen in to find out.
Tue, 4 November 2014
No, we're not saying Dark Water was a non-episode - just that we're not going to do an individual podcast episode on it.
Instead, we'll wait until the full two-part Series 8 finale is completed - Dark Water and Death in Heaven - before opening our pie-holes and spewing forth.
After 10 weeks straight, we're sure your ears could do with the rest.
See you in a week or so...
Jim & Martin Krynoid
Wed, 29 October 2014
"Farewell to the Ice Age. Welcome to the Tree Age. Possibly."
Chilling words (possibly), even to the most ardent of tree-huggers.
So the world is covered in trees and the TARDIS is swarming with children in the latest series 8 episode, In the Forest of the Night.
The Doctor tries to work out what's going on, Clara tries to remember she's a teacher, Danny tries to dazzle the eye(s) of the tiger and the kids try everyone's patience.
Wolves chase people (slowly), Nelson's Column droops and a missing person is found in a shrubbery.
So Jim and Martin can't help being reminded of the words of the White Guardian: "Nothing will happen. Nothing at all. Ever..."
Fri, 24 October 2014
"As from today... I can put any brain into any body, anywhere."
Maybe there's finally hope for the Krynoid Pod boys then?
Whether or not they're up for a shaved head and a sex change is another matter but that is the fate of Kiv, chief Mentor and mega-capitalist Sil-botherer, at the expense of poor old Perpugilliam Brown.
Is the scenery of Thoros Beta competing with Old Sixie's coat for day-glo garishness? Can the Lukoser shut his mouth? Come to that, can Brian Blessed shut his mouth? Please.
Mindwarp is the second section of The Trial of a Time Lord but did Jim and Martin find watching it to be a mind-warping trial?
Find out here.
Addendum: this podcast was recorded before the sad news of Lynda Bellingham's passing. She was a well-loved actress and a very funny lady and, whatever happened around her in season 23, her performance as the Inquisitor was never less than excellent. Our thoughts are with her friends and family and this podcast episode is dedicated to her memory.
Wed, 22 October 2014
"Why Doctor Oswald, you are hilarious!"
So Clara plays the Doctor, Rigsy plays her companion and the Doctor plays Thing from The Addams Family in the latest series 8 episode, Flatline.
The TARDIS has shrunk and swallowed the Doctor, while rugs are swallowing people and Danny may not be swallowing Clara's tall tales.
Would you sacrifice yourself for the price of a hairband? Would you take a personal call while trying to combat an alien attack in a swinging chair? And can you pull off a TARDIS-backed hermit crab cosplay?
Jim and Martin ponder these three-dimensional problems through the single medium of sound.
Wed, 15 October 2014
"Are you my mummy?"
Yes, they couldn't resist it.
No blitz-dodging, gasmark-wearing nippers this time though, just a rancid old vet that even a decent vet couldn't save.
For he is the Mummy on the Orient Express who, despite his state-of-the-art soldiering kit is not really what the passengers had in mind when they were promised "all mod cons".
The Doctor plays Poirot, Clara looks in need of a Charleston and Perkins bears an uncanny resemblance to "that disc jockey" (but thankfully not the white-haired Hartnell-alike).
Jelly babies are shared, old ladies fulfill their job descriptions and the kitchen staff are let outside for a breath of fresh vacuum.
But is it a rattling good locomotive of an episode? Or derailed stock which refuses to roll?
Jim and Martin take rather more than 66 seconds to decide.
Thu, 9 October 2014
"The Moon's an egg."
Does that make The First Men in the Moon "soldiers"?
No? Suit yourselves...
Yes, Kill The Moon is another fandom-splitting episode where science and credibility are cast onto the altar of pure daft entertainment.
The Doctor opts out of a big decision, Clara opts out of the democratic process and Courtney opts out of school, hardly a way to brush up her presidential skills.
Do male astronauts wear red shirts under their space suits? How many conkers does it take to ward off a badger-sized spider? And how painful is it to lay an egg larger than oneself?
Listen in - but don't expect any logical answers.
Wed, 1 October 2014
"I'm the new caretaker. John Smith... most people just call me the Doctor."
Skilled exponent of the deep cover persona, the Doctor wields a broom and a non-sonic screwdriver in his new-found role as The Caretaker.
Naturally, this makes life very difficult for the peripatetic Clara and her new (but already long-suffering) beau, Mr Danny Pink.
A Skovox Blitzer is whizzing around disarming policemen and vandalising school property but the real fireworks happen in the TARDIS when Smith-Oswald-Pink triangle finally comes together and seemingly blows instantly apart.
Danny gives Clara an ultimatum (surely flowers are more romantic?), Courtney defiles the time-space machine with her disruptive effluence, and Space Dad gets proprietorial over his impossible little princess.
But does all this a decent Doctor Who episode make?
Listen in to hear what Jim and Rob make of it all.
Fri, 26 September 2014
"I hate the architect."
Another dose of self-loathing from the Doctor? Or has he just watched 'The Towering Inferno' once too often?
Well it's one of many questions and many twists in the oh-so-tricky Time Heist - a tale of the cloned mega-rich, sunken-headed criminals, a love-lorn mind muncher and a motley crue of amnesiac bank robbers.
One's a top-drawer impressionist, another is wired for data, and a third might end up being late for a much less important date. All are called to heel by some unnaturally assertive eyebrows.
Why are they there? What are they trying to steal? And what exactly did that naughty Sensorite get up to?
Jim and Rob do some detective work and try to crack the incredible case of the Successful Steve Thompson Story.
Listen in to see how they got on.
Wed, 24 September 2014
"I sense the vicious doctrine of egalitarianism."
Not our words, the words of financially-motivated, fish-blooded fungus, The Collector.
One of The Sun Makers, this blob of seaweed with ideas above its station loves a healthy balance sheet and an unhealthy executionee but meets his match when the 4th Doctor, Leela and K9 visit plutocratic Pluto.
It's a miserable world of wooden tables, cardboard control panels, unappetising curries and clown's-pocket-sized credit cards.
The Doctor moos like a cow, Leela fights like a wildcat and K9 acts like a dog - much to Martin's incandescent rage.
But is the story as saleable as a tray of hot cakes or a bucket of cold sick?
Listen and find out.