Doctor Who: The Krynoid PodCast

"I am usually referred to as the Master."

Or some very slight variation thereof.

Terror of the Autons is a story where a bloomin' cockernee is masquerading as an Italian, a Time Lord as an astral Mr Benn, Autons as an army of Frank Sidebottoms, and the man himself as BT's most sackable employee. Yet the Master can't muster the energy to think up an even vaguely misdirecting pseudonym.

Plenty of imagination elsewhere though with unfriendly neighbourhood Bobbies, dolls that are a bit too clingy,  armchairs that give you a hug,  a phone you can really get tied up on and gift daffs you really shouldn't look in the mouth.

Can the grumpy Doctor, scatty Jo, and a Maxi full of UNIT defeat the Master and the Nestene Unconvincingness?

And did Jim and Martin find all this plastic fantastic or as flat as Old Ma Farrel's CSO kitchen?

Find out here.

Direct download: KP097_Terror_of_the_Autons.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:16pm UTC
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"I'm not a mountain goat and I prefer walking to any day. And I hate climbing."

If you think Steven Moffat era Doctor Who taxes the mind, imagine being part of the 1965 audience and having to decode anagrams of the scripted lines on the fly.

And the mind is boggled in many other ways by The Time Meddler. How can an 11th Century  monk have a wristwatch, electric stove and gramophone? Has the BBC lost the plot? Has Dennis Spooner been hot-spooning? Or perhaps the pee-drenched padre is to blame and thus a legitimate target of the (extremely) long arm of Doctor Tickle.

Our eponymous hero and visiting Vikings alike get merry on mead from Hur indoors, while Vicki suffers sexism from Steven, the new companion who likes to attack first and ask (too many) questions later. And then not believe any of the answers.

Will the groat ever drop for Steven? Will he find the bovine astronaut he seeks? What do you do if your TARDIS is smaller on the inside? Whose beard is camping out on Eldred's face?

And did Jim and Martin delight in this first ever pseudo-historical or do they disapprove of all this time meddling?

Find out here.

Direct download: KP096_Time_Meddler.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:06pm UTC
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"It's getting rather exciting, isn't it?"

Well mileage may vary and opinions certainly differ a wee bit between your intrepid hosts on this one.

For it is The Stones of Blood, a tale of vampiric slabs, a reclusive mistress-villain with a morbid fear of lemon sherbets and the latest mismatched cop duo - Android and Wirrn.

The Doctor wears a barrister's wig, Romana sports a chav cap and Vivien Fay shows off her deep silver tan. Professor Rumford forgets her words (and her bra) but remembers her truncheon, and K9 spills his guts while being goosed by a jack plug.

The local druids summon a wrinkly comedy star, a camping couple suffer post-coital depression, and two clouds of bling argue the toss while the Doctor doesn't appear to give one.

So did the story stir the blood of Jim and Martin or leave them stony faced?

Listen to find out.

NB: You'll notice that Jim gets a story title wrong - twice. Rest assured that he has been taken away and destroyed in a controlled explosion.

Direct download: KP095_The_Stones_of_Blood.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:57pm UTC
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"I am the Doctor... whether you like it or not."

Ahem... awkward!

Yes, this is Colin Baker's debut debacle as the Doctor, The Twin Dilemma.

A tale of a Hurndall understudy in a dress, two bratty bowl-cut brain-boxes, pestilent parrot people and a hairy slug with an inter-species libido.

And, at its centre, we have our 'hero' who tries to bluster, cower, whine and strangle his way into our hearts, and his poor sidekick, who has probably never felt quite so sidelined - or quite so kicked.

Blood bubbles, slugs slime, sartorial atrocities are committed with impunity and a thieving magpie is fed to the starving masses (tastes like chicken, apparently).

Loathe it or hate it, it's perennially at the bottom of the sort of polls its lead actor despises.

But do Jim and Martin think it lives down to its reputation?

Listen in to find out.

Direct download: KP094_Twin_Dilemma.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:05pm UTC
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"No-one on the Colony believes in Macra! There is no such thing as Macra! Macra do not exist! There are no Macra!!"

Well maybe stop going on about them so much then?

He's right though. This colony is lovely - except for the brainwashing, harrowing jingles, cheerless cheerleading, occupational hazards and the ministrations of hit security group, Ola and the Bootboys, that is.

Oh and the Macra, of course. Not that there are any Macra. Or are there...?

Well, yes there are, as the name of the story implies, and they're a crabby (and shouty) bunch of crustaceans, with their grubby pincers on the reins of power within the colony. Meanwhile, Ben goes over to the dark side, Polly gets a haircut, Jamie has a fling and the Doctor has a problem with excess gas.

But did Jim and Martin give The Macra Terror 11 out of 10? Or did it just wash over their brains?

Find out here.

Direct download: KP093_The_Macra_Terror.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:22pm UTC
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"You're liable to wake up Old Nick going that deep!"

And imagine old Nick's horror when he woke up after a BBC stag do and found that someone had given him a comedy eye-patch and a joke shop scar.

But it's not just the Brig who's had an unsympathetic makeover in Inferno's alt-right universe. Cuddly Sergeant Benton is now brutal bastard Benton and lovely Liz has adopted a nasty wig and an equally nasty attitude. Professor Stahlman, of course, is equally gittish wherever you find him, but Greg Sutton's sexist tendencies have been crushed under the fascist jackboot - and he seems even less likely to achieve penetration with this particular Petra.

Throw in some technicians in wolf's clothing (and Christmas cracker teeth), a soldier shooting himself off a gasometer and lashings of automatic door porn, and we have something of a great big melting pot.

But do Jim and Martin think Inferno burns brightly or does it feel like the end of the world?

Find out here.

Direct download: KP092_Inferno.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:33pm UTC
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"What are you concealing from me, boy?"

Not enough, some might say, for this is Castrovalva - where Master Waterhouse introduces the innocent and unsuspecting viewer to "Little Matthew"

.

But that's not the only harrowing element of the Fifth Doctor's first outing. The Time Lord himself is made incompetent (and incontinent?) by his regeneration but still gets to go on a self-propelling wheelchair and pulls off decent impressions of his former selves - and Basil Fawlty (the War Hotelier).

Tegan gets hot and bothered, Nyssa gets moist and, of course, Adric has a semi on, before they all meet Chardonnay Shardovan and his sheep-in-wolf's-clothing chums.

There's a fly in the ointment, of course, and this one has a risible, raisable platform, a double-decker perspex top hat and a penchant for looking at boys on the dark web.

But does the new Doctor bowl Jim and Martin over? Or is he out first ball?

Find out here.

Direct download: KP091_Castrovalva.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:15pm UTC
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090: Underworld

"Whatever blows can be sucked."

Not The Creature From The Pit this time but a story which could be said, in American vernacular, both to 'blow' and to 'suck'.

It's Underworld - a production so maligned that even most of the sets refused to participate. A CSO mother lode in which Minyans are led by Minions, the proletariat dine on the very rock they mine and gravity does precisely whatever the hell it likes.

Meanwhile, Gwyneth Paltrow gets a drastic makeover, Mr Dors takes it lying down and Leela takes a fancy to a bit-part with a Rohypnol ray. Chuck in some deaf-blind guards, hordes of bored extras and some rather louche lift music and it really does feel like we're descending to rock bottom.

So 'the quest is the quest' but will Jim and Martin see Underworld as a golden moment in Who mythology or will they end up feeling fleeced?

Listen in to find out.

Direct download: KP090_Underworld.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:57pm UTC
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089: The Edge of Destruction

"If anything happens, let me know."

What do you get if you have two episodes to fill with no guest actors and no new sets?

Well in the weird world of Lime Grove 1964, you get The Edge of Destruction - a veritable cryptic crossword with clues from another, different cryptic crossword.

This is, of course, the one where Susan turns sinister scissor sister, Ian seems to have been at the TARDIS brown ale, the Doctor - even with a head wound - still wins Gallifrey's Fastest Butler, and poor old Babs has to hold it all together, despite her pathological fear of Salvador Dali.

Even the Fornicator can't help them as they try to discover what the heck is going on (and what the writer has been smoking) until, finally, the solution springs to mind.

So can Jim and Martin make sense of the sentient ship's clues or will the story leave them on the edge of nervous destruction?

Find out here.

Direct download: KP089_Edge_of_Destruction.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:58pm UTC
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088: Planet of the Daleks

"It was terrible... and then I got rescued by this bowl."

No, not a symptom of BBC budget cuts - although its economically-priced, invisible owner may have been.

It's the Planet of the Daleks - or, more accurately, the planet of the plants which either spy or spray, the molten ice which somehow isn't just water and the locals who are definitely more than meets the eye.

Chuck into this great big ice-melting pot a poorly Time Lord, a lady with an embarrassing fungal infection, some flaxen-haired, squabbling space-squaddies and the most evil wheelie bins in the ninth system, and you have all the makings of an epic six-parter.

But does it deliver like Santa or disappoint like... erm... Satan...? 

Listen in to find out.

Direct download: KP088_Planet_of_the_Daleks.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:21pm UTC
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