Thu, 15 August 2019
"I've had enough of experts!"
Now there's a phrase with a familiar ring. And Britannicus Base's self-imposed brain drain and dislike of the unlike is sending the UK into chaos. You couldn't make it up.
But Brian Hayles did, in 1967's snowy saga The Ice Warriors - a tale of unripe tomatoes, dial-up food machines and a vibro-chair with a shake that brings all the boys to the Medi-Care Centre.
The beards are shaggy, the outfits are short and the science is decidedly dodgy. But worse is to come when a bunch of full-bladdered Martians turn up with their own brand of whispering death, provoking a hissy fit of its own from the sacred Computer.
The Doctor's opining, Victoria's whining and Jamie's reclining at the hideout of hairy hippies, Wallace and Isa.
But can Cleggy save the world without the aid of a motorised bathtub?
Will Varga and Zondal end up tying the knot?
Can they tie anything with hands like that?
And did Jim and Martin find the Ice Warriors refreshingly bracing or did it leave them cold?
Listen to find out.
Also hear what Jim and Martin think of the BBC audiobooks of The Ice Warriors, The Faceless Ones and Warriors' Gate!
Mon, 15 July 2019
"If the rest of his presentation is as riveting as the first little epic, wake me when it’s finished."
The Trial of a Time Lord goes all meta with one of the riskiest lines in Doctor Who history.
The "first little epic" is The Mysterious Planet, in which the Doctor is on remand, Peri (from Marble Arch, USA) is in demand and Joan Sims commands her ragged warriors to carry on dying.
Two cockernee New Romantics go on the rob, two Adric-a-likes get on your nerves and the verbose Valyard swallows a Thesaurus. Meanwhile, the jury’s out (of Voltarol) and the Inquisitor looks like she’d rather be at home making a casserole.
Who on Ravalox is the Doctor impersonating?
How smug can a dead face be?
Where can you get some saucy but artistic robot photos?
And did Jim and Martin give The Mysterious Planet a pardon or did they throw the Three Books of Knowledge at it?
Listen to find out.
Sun, 16 June 2019
"Nicholas only knows the most boring places."
And what did Peter Purves think of The Massacre and his time on the show?
Wed, 15 May 2019
“There should’ve been another way.”
Yup. But when you only have a couple of days, £37.50 and a two-man human centipede, you will inevitably end up with 1984’s Warriors of the Deep.
But the Doctor still manages to trade his cricket beiges for a daring new beige outfit and some temporal footwear, though Turlough misses out on an early airing of his budgie smugglers. Tegan’s troubles are more practical than sartorial, however, when she feels the gossamer weight of a sea base door on her lovely legs.
They also encounter the future’s unluckiest intern, a commander who’s a long way from his native 1970s and the leading lights of the power-bloc-which-cannot-be-named’s premier pantomime troop.
Throw in some sweat, smells, sloth-like Silurians and skew-whiff sea devils and it all starts to feel like the end of the world.
So did Jim and Martin take to the story like a Myrka to water or did it leave them drowning in dreck?
Listen to find out.
Tue, 16 April 2019
“My legs! My legs!”
Zero out of a million on the tact front from Ian, crowing about his pins when surrounded by legless Daleks.
Actually, they haven’t touched a drop but they have experimented with some freaky hallucinogens from their peacenik neighbours.
So this is the TARDIS foursome’s first awayday – The Daleks – and where better to visit than a quiet, pollen-free forest with nearby amenities, including free toilet rolls, gratis green grocery and more mercury than you could ever need (especially if you don’t need any).
But have some Thals found their own forbidden fruit?
Has the tripping Dalek come down yet?
How many more legs does Alydon have than Ian?
And where would Jim and Martin place the story on the evolutionary continuum from joke shop fake to perfect paragon?
Listen to find out.
Fri, 15 March 2019
It’s not often that a Doctor Who story reviews Jim and Martin but this is the topsy-turvy world of The Greatest Show in the Galaxy.
It’s all a bit of a circus as the Ringmaster puts the 'c' into 'rap', a foxy artiste blames it on the moonlight and the Chief Clown grins all the way to the emergency dentist. Ace is victim to some violent conducting and the Doctor prances, prestidigitates and experiences a warm burst on his exit.
Peaceful hippy Bellboy makes killer robots, Deadbeat mopes around waiting for Lovejoy to turn up and Mystic Morgana wishes she’d never agreed to a fan meet-and-greet. Captain Cook bores himself to death, a new stand-up dies on stage and Peggy Mount proves to be the Worst Dinner Lady in the Galaxy.
So did Jim and Martin enjoy the roar of the greasepaint and the smell of the non-existent crowd? Or were they reaching for their zero score cards?
Listen to find out and to hear the lads review the Tom Baker and James Goss novel, Scratchman.
Fri, 15 February 2019
“I’ve lost my sonic screwdriver. I feel completely lost without it.”
Lost? Modern Doctors would need resuscitating.
Yes, it’s back to basics with The Sontaran Experiment, wherein hairy rock dwellers set traps, chuck rocks and threaten people with hot sticks.
Undeterred, Sarah channels Margo Leadbetter, Harry tries out some mucus-based medicine and the Doctor whistles the Spitting Image classic “I’ve Never Met A Nice South African.”
Meanwhile Styre suffers from short man syndrome and displays his confusion at having a female boss by torturing men, wearing guyliner and fouling his own living space. It all leaves him a tad deflated.
But at least everyone gets to take a breather and watch two newcomers have a roll in the heather. Not like that.
So did Jim and Martin enjoy the overcast uplands of The Sontaran Experiment or did they fake collarbone fractures to escape watching it?
Find out here.
Mon, 14 January 2019
“He says he’s a frog doctor, sir.”
Let’s have some fanfic where the Troughton and Whittaker Doctors combine forces to heal a lonely amphibian universe. Actually… let’s not.
No, this is The Highlanders, where you could be excused for thinking the Doctor’s bizarre accent was French and that his hat was a Goth’s traffic bollard.
It’s a second outing for the second Doctor but 18th Century Scotland fares poorly on Cosmic Trip Adviser, with its dog biscuits, corked wine and one-star wet room. And you’ll find the locals unwelcoming and the English tourists somewhat invasive.
But the TARDIS team do indulge in recreational pursuits. Ben swims, the Doctor headbangs, Jamie toys with his dirk and Polly manages to avoid fifty shades of Solicitor Grey.
But did Jim and Martin think The Highlanders was pure dead brilliant or did it warrant the Ff-bomb?
Listen to find out.
Sun, 23 December 2018
And let's hope it stays merry after listening to Jim and Martin discussing the Series 11 episodes not yet covered in the Krynoid PodCast, and then the series as a whole.
We play out with John Gonzalez's Christmas-tinged rendition of the Doctor Who theme (find it on YouTube https://youtu.be/6KVhSNS_xU8)
Hearty thanks from the Green Cathedral to everyone who's listened, tweeted, retweeted, followed, liked and provided feedback over 2018.
We'll be back in January 2019.
Until then, Happy New Year!
Sat, 15 December 2018
“There’s your monster maker… Caught in the act.”
And lo… Barry Letts did advance upon him, spitting tacks and brandishing a rubber T-Rex, with insertion on his mind.
Yes, this is yer actual Invasion of the Dinosaurs – a tale of double talk, double-crosses and double denim.
The Doctor drives stuff, Sarah discovers stuff and Yates says “Stuff you!” to his UNIT family (and to everyone outside the central London elite bubble).
Have the cast been selectively aged and rejuvenated by Whitaker’s time experiments?
Is the science as shaky as the Whitehall walls? And is it worth gambling your house on?
Will Lis Sladen ever get the underwear she doesn’t need?
And where will Jim and Martin place the story on a scale of Jurassic Park to The Goodies?
To find out the answers to some or none of these questions, listen here.