Wed, 15 May 2019
“There should’ve been another way.”
Yup. But when you only have a couple of days, £37.50 and a two-man human centipede, you will inevitably end up with 1984’s Warriors of the Deep.
But the Doctor still manages to trade his cricket beiges for a daring new beige outfit and some temporal footwear, though Turlough misses out on an early airing of his budgie smugglers. Tegan’s troubles are more practical than sartorial, however, when she feels the gossamer weight of a sea base door on her lovely legs.
They also encounter the future’s unluckiest intern, a commander who’s a long way from his native 1970s and the leading lights of the power-bloc-which-cannot-be-named’s premier pantomime troop.
Throw in some sweat, smells, sloth-like Silurians and skew-whiff sea devils and it all starts to feel like the end of the world.
So did Jim and Martin take to the story like a Myrka to water or did it leave them drowning in dreck?
Listen to find out.
Tue, 16 April 2019
“My legs! My legs!”
Zero out of a million on the tact front from Ian, crowing about his pins when surrounded by legless Daleks.
Actually, they haven’t touched a drop but they have experimented with some freaky hallucinogens from their peacenik neighbours.
So this is the TARDIS foursome’s first awayday – The Daleks – and where better to visit than a quiet, pollen-free forest with nearby amenities, including free toilet rolls, gratis green grocery and more mercury than you could ever need (especially if you don’t need any).
But have some Thals found their own forbidden fruit?
Has the tripping Dalek come down yet?
How many more legs does Alydon have than Ian?
And where would Jim and Martin place the story on the evolutionary continuum from joke shop fake to perfect paragon?
Listen to find out.
Fri, 15 March 2019
It’s not often that a Doctor Who story reviews Jim and Martin but this is the topsy-turvy world of The Greatest Show in the Galaxy.
It’s all a bit of a circus as the Ringmaster puts the 'c' into 'rap', a foxy artiste blames it on the moonlight and the Chief Clown grins all the way to the emergency dentist. Ace is victim to some violent conducting and the Doctor prances, prestidigitates and experiences a warm burst on his exit.
Peaceful hippy Bellboy makes killer robots, Deadbeat mopes around waiting for Lovejoy to turn up and Mystic Morgana wishes she’d never agreed to a fan meet-and-greet. Captain Cook bores himself to death, a new stand-up dies on stage and Peggy Mount proves to be the Worst Dinner Lady in the Galaxy.
So did Jim and Martin enjoy the roar of the greasepaint and the smell of the non-existent crowd? Or were they reaching for their zero score cards?
Listen to find out and to hear the lads review the Tom Baker and James Goss novel, Scratchman.
Fri, 15 February 2019
“I’ve lost my sonic screwdriver. I feel completely lost without it.”
Lost? Modern Doctors would need resuscitating.
Yes, it’s back to basics with The Sontaran Experiment, wherein hairy rock dwellers set traps, chuck rocks and threaten people with hot sticks.
Undeterred, Sarah channels Margo Leadbetter, Harry tries out some mucus-based medicine and the Doctor whistles the Spitting Image classic “I’ve Never Met A Nice South African.”
Meanwhile Styre suffers from short man syndrome and displays his confusion at having a female boss by torturing men, wearing guyliner and fouling his own living space. It all leaves him a tad deflated.
But at least everyone gets to take a breather and watch two newcomers have a roll in the heather. Not like that.
So did Jim and Martin enjoy the overcast uplands of The Sontaran Experiment or did they fake collarbone fractures to escape watching it?
Find out here.
Mon, 14 January 2019
“He says he’s a frog doctor, sir.”
Let’s have some fanfic where the Troughton and Whittaker Doctors combine forces to heal a lonely amphibian universe. Actually… let’s not.
No, this is The Highlanders, where you could be excused for thinking the Doctor’s bizarre accent was French and that his hat was a Goth’s traffic bollard.
It’s a second outing for the second Doctor but 18th Century Scotland fares poorly on Cosmic Trip Adviser, with its dog biscuits, corked wine and one-star wet room. And you’ll find the locals unwelcoming and the English tourists somewhat invasive.
But the TARDIS team do indulge in recreational pursuits. Ben swims, the Doctor headbangs, Jamie toys with his dirk and Polly manages to avoid fifty shades of Solicitor Grey.
But did Jim and Martin think The Highlanders was pure dead brilliant or did it warrant the Ff-bomb?
Listen to find out.