“My legs! My legs!”

Zero out of a million on the tact front from Ian, crowing about his pins when surrounded by legless Daleks.

Actually, they haven’t touched a drop but they have experimented with some freaky hallucinogens from their peacenik neighbours.

So this is the TARDIS foursome’s first awayday – The Daleks – and where better to visit than a quiet, pollen-free forest with nearby amenities, including free toilet rolls, gratis green grocery and more mercury than you could ever need (especially if you don’t need any).

But have some Thals found their own forbidden fruit?

Has the tripping Dalek come down yet?

How many more legs does Alydon have than Ian?

And where would Jim and Martin place the story on the evolutionary continuum from joke shop fake to perfect paragon?

Listen to find out.

"Weirdos!"

It’s not often that a Doctor Who story reviews Jim and Martin but this is the topsy-turvy world of The Greatest Show in the Galaxy.

It’s all a bit of a circus as the Ringmaster puts the 'c' into 'rap', a foxy artiste blames it on the moonlight and the Chief Clown grins all the way to the emergency dentist. Ace is victim to some violent conducting and the Doctor prances, prestidigitates and experiences a warm burst on his exit.

Peaceful hippy Bellboy makes killer robots, Deadbeat mopes around waiting for Lovejoy to turn up and Mystic Morgana wishes she’d never agreed to a fan meet-and-greet. Captain Cook bores himself to death, a new stand-up dies on stage and Peggy Mount proves to be the Worst Dinner Lady in the Galaxy.

So did Jim and Martin enjoy the roar of the greasepaint and the smell of the non-existent crowd? Or were they reaching for their zero score cards?

Listen to find out and to hear the lads review the Tom Baker and James Goss novel, Scratchman.

“I’ve lost my sonic screwdriver. I feel completely lost without it.”

Lost? Modern Doctors would need resuscitating.

Yes, it’s back to basics with The Sontaran Experiment, wherein hairy rock dwellers set traps, chuck rocks and threaten people with hot sticks.

Undeterred, Sarah channels Margo Leadbetter, Harry tries out some mucus-based medicine and the Doctor whistles the Spitting Image classic “I’ve Never Met A Nice South African.”

Meanwhile Styre suffers from short man syndrome and displays his confusion at having a female boss by torturing men, wearing guyliner and fouling his own living space. It all leaves him a tad deflated.

But at least everyone gets to take a breather and watch two newcomers have a roll in the heather. Not like that.

So did Jim and Martin enjoy the overcast uplands of The Sontaran Experiment or did they fake collarbone fractures to escape watching it?

Find out here.

“He says he’s a frog doctor, sir.”

Let’s have some fanfic where the Troughton and Whittaker Doctors combine forces to heal a lonely amphibian universe. Actually… let’s not.

No, this is The Highlanders, where you could be excused for thinking the Doctor’s bizarre accent was French and that his hat was a Goth’s traffic bollard.

It’s a second outing for the second Doctor but 18th Century Scotland fares poorly on Cosmic Trip Adviser, with its dog biscuits, corked wine and one-star wet room. And you’ll find the locals unwelcoming and the English tourists somewhat invasive.

But the TARDIS team do indulge in recreational pursuits. Ben swims, the Doctor headbangs, Jamie toys with his dirk and Polly manages to avoid fifty shades of Solicitor Grey.

But did Jim and Martin think The Highlanders was pure dead brilliant or did it warrant the Ff-bomb?

Listen to find out.

Merry Christmas!

And let's hope it stays merry after listening to Jim and Martin discussing the Series 11 episodes not yet covered in the Krynoid PodCast, and then the series as a whole.

We play out with John Gonzalez's Christmas-tinged rendition of the Doctor Who theme (find it on YouTube https://youtu.be/6KVhSNS_xU8)

Hearty thanks from the Green Cathedral to everyone who's listened, tweeted, retweeted, followed, liked and provided feedback over 2018.

We'll be back in January 2019.

Until then, Happy New Year!

“There’s your monster maker… Caught in the act.”

And lo… Barry Letts did advance upon him, spitting tacks and brandishing a rubber T-Rex, with insertion on his mind.

Yes, this is yer actual Invasion of the Dinosaurs – a tale of double talk, double-crosses and double denim.

The Doctor drives stuff, Sarah discovers stuff and Yates says “Stuff you!” to his UNIT family (and to everyone outside the central London elite bubble).

Have the cast been selectively aged and rejuvenated by Whitaker’s time experiments?

Is the science as shaky as the Whitehall walls? And is it worth gambling your house on?

Will Lis Sladen ever get the underwear she doesn’t need?

And where will Jim and Martin place the story on a scale of Jurassic Park to The Goodies?

To find out the answers to some or none of these questions, listen here.

"I'm bored."

Well, if you can't stand the ennui, get out of the kitchen.

Yes, we're in the strange and underfunded world of The Celestial Toymaker where the fun barely starts.

The Doctor single-handedly plays the world's worst spectator sport, while Steven and Dodo are forced to tackle 'sighted-man's buff', 'spot the comfy chair' and 'hunt the dramatic tension'. And, if you think Strictly seems to go on forever, try the Toymaker's version, aka They Shoot Time Travellers, Don't They?

Along the way they meet a mute clown, a clown you wish was mute, the 1966 'Mr & Mrs' champions, a cockernee cook, a (low) Quality Street soldier and the copyright-skirting Billy Butner of Greyflyers School.

Dodo reveals that she's all tells and no poker face, Steven tries not to kill everyone in sight (especially Dodo) and the Doctor unleashes his inner Mike Yarwood.

So did Jim and Martin dive into the fun like toddlers on tartrazine or would they have preferred to have joined Hartnell in Bognor?

Find out here.

“Boing! Boing!”

The unmistakable sound of the bells of Seville (and nothing to do with Peri running down a hillside).

So the JN-T holiday charabanc ends up in Spain in 1985 and his latest jaunt promises country yomps, moth collecting and acid sports, with dinner thrown in – several times over.

The Two Doctors manage to keep out of each other’s way for the most part as Sixie angles for centre stage, leaving his former self to a compulsory makeover, while Peri tries a new accent and Jamie just tries it on.

Meanwhile Shockeye wants the special stuff, Chessene wants special treatment and the superfluous Sontarans await their special appearance with He Who Can No Longer Be Named.

But did the story leave Jim and Martin replete and content or suffering from raging heartburn?

Listen to find out.

“Now go on. Ben can catch his ship and become an Admiral and you, Polly, you can look after Ben.”

The Doctor reminds Ben and Polly they’re back in 1966 – a time (and indeed date) menaced by War Machines, alien shape-shifters, Daleks and gender stereotyping.

They also have to contend with dodgy pilots, aliens with zero personality, lethal haberdashery and a cross-dressing Beatles lookalike.

The Doctor gets the cold shoulder, Jamie gets snogged, Polly gets duplicated and Ben gets lost, while our plucky quasi-companion plays amateur sleuth, armed only with a sharp tongue and a crap hat.

So do Jim and Martin think The Faceless Ones soars into the stratosphere or plummets like a zapped fighter pilot?

Listen to find out.

"Is that finger loaded?"

A good question because nothing is as it seems in Devesham-on-Oseidon.

The horse-brasses are plastic, the dartboard has a functional bullseye and the ginger beer may not be The Real Thing (but its supply is inexhaustible).

Then there's Guy Crayford, who has a spacesuit of vacuum-resistant denim, incomplete underpants and an eye-patch which is purely cosmetic.

And, behind the scenes, the horny Kraals are eager to spread their infection and have been using fake UNIT personnel for practice.

But did Jim and Martin find The Android Invasion to be the real McCoy or as phoney as a Devesham publican?

Find out here.