Mon, 20 January 2014
"It's the end… but the moment has been prepared for."
The final words of the boggle-eyed mentalist octogenarian Tom Baker, just prior to being trampled by a crusty ballet dancer and so triggering his metamorphosis into the world's wettest vet.
Jim and Martin start this episode by skewering The Time of the Doctor but then evaluate another regeneration story, 1981's Logopolis.
The fourth Doctor is old and grumpy and the Master is new and campy, while Adric "wunts" to help, Tegan wants to fly and Nyssa just wants to have fun, despite losing her step mother, father and planet in short order.
Can Noel Edmonds keep the fabric of the Universe together? Can the Doctor's plan to literally flush out the Master be any more ludicrous? And can Anthony Ainley make any more of a meal of pressing a button?
Listen here to find out.
Mon, 16 December 2013
"Proof! Proof! Proof! It always comes back to the same thing."
Well that's what we were all saying when rumours were rife about the recovery of missing episodes, and is also the Doctor's mantra in this now-extant artefact.
Recently exhumed six-parter, The Enemy of the World, is the tale of a Hancock-alumnus with rant-management problems, a shouty youth with claustrophobia and a wet girlfriend, and a jug-eared sociopath who has his hair chewed rather than cut.
The Doctor, meanwhile, is wearing his hair in a new way, Jamie is wearing a gimp suit and Victoria is just wearing.
Did the helicopters, hovercrafts and most pointless piece of machinery in Who history blow our minds or just the budget?
Find out here.
Tue, 26 November 2013
"I don't want to go!"
A popular phrase this Doctor Who 50th Anniversary weekend. And maybe Jim didn't fancy the visit to Martin's house and all the danger that entailed.
But there was Who to be celebrated and our intrepid podcasters braved crowds, a clergyman and an under-cooked Dalek cake to pay their respects to the venerable Time Lord.
And here's what they made of the veritable (Verity-able?) smorgasbord of Who delights...
Mon, 18 November 2013
"This doesn’t roll along on wheels, you know!"
So there you have it, time travel technology explained in a nutshell.
Yes, it's An Unearthly Child - the first ever four episodes of a wee programme called Doctor Who. We give it six months, if it's lucky…
It's a grimy old saga that begins with a foggy junkyard, a crafty old weasel and a police box that's ALIVE!
Then we go back to our roots and join a convivial bunch of skull-cracking cave people, including a greasy-wigged leader, a prehistoric Lady Macbeth, a mighty-nosed sex pest and a poor man's King Yrcanos.
Ian gets a shock, Babs gets hysterical, Susan gets her freak on and the Doctor gets on everyone's nerves.
Fagin takes on Greg Sutton in a bone-splitting, pumpkin-smashing fight to the death, while Babs borrows Susan's infamous trip-every-trip footwear for a moonlit dash to TARDIS.
So is the dawn of Mankind a good place to kick off our favourite Adventure in Space and Time? Listen in and find out…
Thu, 24 October 2013
"Like a nine year old trying to rebuild a motorbike."
Not a description of Jim and Martin attempting to produce a remotely professional podcast but the words of a very unusual lady...
Sigh with ennui as Jim and Martin try to understand The Doctor's Wife, despite failing ever to have done so with their own.
Yes, it's that surreal saga where the TARDIS trio land on a friendly planet and witness the exciting new dance duo 'Patchwork People', who put on a memorable show despite possessing three left feet between them.
And where the House Grill speciality is a meaty, sausage-fingered hand in a questionable bap.
But what does Jim keep in his sculleries? And, after 50 years of the show, has Martin really developed an allergy to watching people run through corridors?
Find out in the podcast which is definitely smaller than it appears from the outside.
Tue, 1 October 2013
"The great god Vulcan must be enraged. It's so volcanic. It's like some sort of volcano."
Marvel as the next Doctor forges new vocabulary before your very eyes…
Yes, it's Peter Capaldi, in a previous life, as a patriarch who escapes a pumice pummelling. But it's David Tennant as the legendary Time Lord who saves his future self from The Fires of Pompeii, with the aid of his trusty Water Pistol of Death.
It's a tale of armless augurs, stony seers and Sybelline Sisters as born-again Welsh folk Mr and Ms Spartacus end up with prime seats for the Monsters of Rock.
Are fixed points in time pointless? Has Amy Pond branched out into Sister-of-Karn-o-grams? And is the only way up for danders?
Listen in as Jim and Martin, neither household names nor household gods, let their thoughts erupt.
Thu, 12 September 2013
"Lots of planets have a north!"
Yes, the grinning, jug-eared bloke from Northern Gallifrey makes his debut in 2005’s seminal legend-resuscitator, Rose.
Everyone’s favourite chav, the eponymous Rose Tyler, has a bronze medal in under-7s gymnastics, a boyfriend who goes from annoying to plastic to basket case in 45 minutes and a Mum who all but twerks at passing strangers.
No wonder she fancies a spot of travel. But first she must deal with plastic non-students, a disembodied arm, an internet weirdo and an angry vat of custard. These things happen when a benevolent alien blows up your job.
So what do Jim and Martin make of their tentative foray into nascent NuWho? Find out here (just don’t mention the belching wheelie bin).
Thu, 22 August 2013
"This cannot be how it ends!"
Well it damn nearly was.
Yes, it's time to reconsider the 1996 Paul McGann TV Movie, with its gun fights, fist fights, car chases, snogging and schmaltz (no way was this an American production!).
The Doctor is now only half-Gallifreyan with a naff syrup and an Addams Family interior design sense, while the Master is now part-snake, part-personal lubricant dispenser, with a penchant for "drezzing" up.
Thank Bod for Amazing Grace with her static tear and innate knowledge of Time Lord temporal mechanics and for Chang Lee's hip high-fiving - keeping us well and truly anchored to the Eighties in this Millennial tale.
So did Jim and Martin enjoy their Whocation in North America? Or did they yearn for Blighty with its breadline budgets, cramped sets and silly CSO? And what do they think of Peter Capaldi's casting as the 12th Doctor?
Listen here to find out, y'all!
Fri, 19 July 2013
“I haven't got no mum and dad. I've never had no mum and dad and I don't want no mum and dad. It's just me, all right?”
So who’s this perishin’ apple-cheeked cockernee urchin then? Why, it’s Ace! And she joins the show in 1987’s Dragonfire, which mercifully closes Season 24.
It’s a frosty fable involving a wobbly-headed ANT, some woeful ice statuary and a frigid frozen food salesman.
A screamer leaves, a street yoof joins, a permed old rascal returns, and the Doctor reveals that he is in fact not half-human, but half-lemming.
Who is the little girl (and why)? Does it really take 3,000 years to set up a moderately successful branch of Iceland? And would you buy a fish finger from a homicidal maniac?
Jim and Martin ponder these questions and more (e.g. “Isn’t there something better on another channel?”) so join them as they break the ice and chase the dragon…
Sun, 16 June 2013
"Chop Suey, the Galactic Emperor"
The elusive Robin Bland serves up this dubious dish, with a hefty helping of hairy kebab meat, in 1976's The Brain of Morbius.
But it's still a more appetising proposition than the Liquorice Bootlace Surprise at Chez Mehendri, a Bohemian bistro with a red, white and green wine list.
The latest renegade Time Lord may be half man/half Macra with a goldfish bowl bonce but he's not the only patchwork person around. He's joined by a bearded old crone who's a cross between Chuck Heston and one of his Apes, and a home help who's equal parts Richard III, Liam Gallagher and Abu Hamza.
Sarah goes blind and the Doctor gets blind drunk but sobers up in time to blind the Sisterhood with chimney sweep science. Then Morbius broadsides us with a colossal non-canon ball - the bombshell that Tom Baker is, in fact, the mystery 12th Doctor.
It's lively, it's loony and it's lurid so listen in as Jim and Martin bend their minds in an attempt to make sense of it all.