Wed, 22 October 2014
"Why Doctor Oswald, you are hilarious!"
So Clara plays the Doctor, Rigsy plays her companion and the Doctor plays Thing from The Addams Family in the latest series 8 episode, Flatline.
The TARDIS has shrunk and swallowed the Doctor, while rugs are swallowing people and Danny may not be swallowing Clara's tall tales.
Would you sacrifice yourself for the price of a hairband? Would you take a personal call while trying to combat an alien attack in a swinging chair? And can you pull off a TARDIS-backed hermit crab cosplay?
Jim and Martin ponder these three-dimensional problems through the single medium of sound.
Wed, 15 October 2014
"Are you my mummy?"
Yes, they couldn't resist it.
No blitz-dodging, gasmark-wearing nippers this time though, just a rancid old vet that even a decent vet couldn't save.
For he is the Mummy on the Orient Express who, despite his state-of-the-art soldiering kit is not really what the passengers had in mind when they were promised "all mod cons".
The Doctor plays Poirot, Clara looks in need of a Charleston and Perkins bears an uncanny resemblance to "that disc jockey" (but thankfully not the white-haired Hartnell-alike).
Jelly babies are shared, old ladies fulfill their job descriptions and the kitchen staff are let outside for a breath of fresh vacuum.
But is it a rattling good locomotive of an episode? Or derailed stock which refuses to roll?
Jim and Martin take rather more than 66 seconds to decide.
Thu, 9 October 2014
"The Moon's an egg."
Does that make The First Men in the Moon "soldiers"?
No? Suit yourselves...
Yes, Kill The Moon is another fandom-splitting episode where science and credibility are cast onto the altar of pure daft entertainment.
The Doctor opts out of a big decision, Clara opts out of the democratic process and Courtney opts out of school, hardly a way to brush up her presidential skills.
Do male astronauts wear red shirts under their space suits? How many conkers does it take to ward off a badger-sized spider? And how painful is it to lay an egg larger than oneself?
Listen in - but don't expect any logical answers.
Wed, 1 October 2014
"I'm the new caretaker. John Smith... most people just call me the Doctor."
Skilled exponent of the deep cover persona, the Doctor wields a broom and a non-sonic screwdriver in his new-found role as The Caretaker.
Naturally, this makes life very difficult for the peripatetic Clara and her new (but already long-suffering) beau, Mr Danny Pink.
A Skovox Blitzer is whizzing around disarming policemen and vandalising school property but the real fireworks happen in the TARDIS when Smith-Oswald-Pink triangle finally comes together and seemingly blows instantly apart.
Danny gives Clara an ultimatum (surely flowers are more romantic?), Courtney defiles the time-space machine with her disruptive effluence, and Space Dad gets proprietorial over his impossible little princess.
But does all this a decent Doctor Who episode make?
Listen in to hear what Jim and Rob make of it all.
Fri, 26 September 2014
"I hate the architect."
Another dose of self-loathing from the Doctor? Or has he just watched 'The Towering Inferno' once too often?
Well it's one of many questions and many twists in the oh-so-tricky Time Heist - a tale of the cloned mega-rich, sunken-headed criminals, a love-lorn mind muncher and a motley crue of amnesiac bank robbers.
One's a top-drawer impressionist, another is wired for data, and a third might end up being late for a much less important date. All are called to heel by some unnaturally assertive eyebrows.
Why are they there? What are they trying to steal? And what exactly did that naughty Sensorite get up to?
Jim and Rob do some detective work and try to crack the incredible case of the Successful Steve Thompson Story.
Listen in to see how they got on.
Wed, 24 September 2014
"I sense the vicious doctrine of egalitarianism."
Not our words, the words of financially-motivated, fish-blooded fungus, The Collector.
One of The Sun Makers, this blob of seaweed with ideas above its station loves a healthy balance sheet and an unhealthy executionee but meets his match when the 4th Doctor, Leela and K9 visit plutocratic Pluto.
It's a miserable world of wooden tables, cardboard control panels, unappetising curries and clown's-pocket-sized credit cards.
The Doctor moos like a cow, Leela fights like a wildcat and K9 acts like a dog - much to Martin's incandescent rage.
But is the story as saleable as a tray of hot cakes or a bucket of cold sick?
Listen and find out.
Fri, 19 September 2014
"Fear is like a companion. A constant companion, always there."
And some may think Clara Oswald is always there, in shot.
But not Jim and his mystery new podcast companion.
They wax lyrical on the rather watchable Listen and ponder tricky dates, misunderstood soldiers and canon attacks.
Who wrote on the Doctor's blackboard? Who or what was under the bedclothes? And was there anything outside Orson's spaceship?
For the answer to all of these questions, call Steven Moffat.
And, while you're on hold, give our episode a Listen.
Thu, 11 September 2014
"No damsels in distress. No pretty castles. No such thing as Robin Hood."
Well it just goes to show that even curmudgeonly old Time Lords can get things wrong occasionally, although the TARDIS team do also manage to encounter a Robot of Sherwood or several during their sojourn in Merrie England.
Hair is plucked, sandals are sniffed, targets are incinerated and a baddie is cast into a vat of boiling gold.
All in a day's work for Spoonman and Clara.
But does the episode hit the target or plummet into the moat of obscurity and derision?
Listen in and find out...
Mon, 8 September 2014
"Top layer, if you want to say a few words."
Ooh that 12th / 14th / 271st Doctor is a silver-tongued charmer, isn't he?
Perhaps being poked into a mental Dalek has upset his equilibrium? Or maybe not. Who knows? Who nose? etc. etc.
So Jim and Martin go Into The Dalek and try to discover why the Doctor looks so sheepish, if Clara's was a happy slap, what makes punters qualify for Missy's Heaven and if random words do a character name make.
Listen to their aimless pontifications here.
Fri, 5 September 2014
"And don't look in that mirror. It's absolutely furious!"
Peter Capaldi is the Doctor and Jim and Martin escape their Classic Who bonds to observe him in his inaugural outing, Deep Breath.
It's a Victorian melodrama, featuring a newly-coatless tramp, two attack eyebrows, some amazingly tolerant Londoners and the only restaurant with a negative Michelin star count.
Is age just a number? Does offing a clockwork robot count as homocide? And is Murray Gold really playing a kazoo?
Find out here. Maybe.