Doctor Who: The Krynoid PodCast

“There’s your monster maker… Caught in the act.”

And lo… Barry Letts did advance upon him, spitting tacks and brandishing a rubber T-Rex, with insertion on his mind.

Yes, this is yer actual Invasion of the Dinosaurs – a tale of double talk, double-crosses and double denim.

The Doctor drives stuff, Sarah discovers stuff and Yates says “Stuff you!” to his UNIT family (and to everyone outside the central London elite bubble).

Have the cast been selectively aged and rejuvenated by Whitaker’s time experiments?

Is the science as shaky as the Whitehall walls? And is it worth gambling your house on?

Will Lis Sladen ever get the underwear she doesn’t need?

And where will Jim and Martin place the story on a scale of Jurassic Park to The Goodies?

To find out the answers to some or none of these questions, listen here.

Direct download: KP112_Invasion_of_the_Dinosaurs.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:20pm UTC
Comments[0]

"I'm bored."

Well, if you can't stand the ennui, get out of the kitchen.

Yes, we're in the strange and underfunded world of The Celestial Toymaker where the fun barely starts.

The Doctor single-handedly plays the world's worst spectator sport, while Steven and Dodo are forced to tackle 'sighted-man's buff', 'spot the comfy chair' and 'hunt the dramatic tension'. And, if you think Strictly seems to go on forever, try the Toymaker's version, aka They Shoot Time Travellers, Don't They?

Along the way they meet a mute clown, a clown you wish was mute, the 1966 'Mr & Mrs' champions, a cockernee cook, a (low) Quality Street soldier and the copyright-skirting Billy Butner of Greyflyers School.

Dodo reveals that she's all tells and no poker face, Steven tries not to kill everyone in sight (especially Dodo) and the Doctor unleashes his inner Mike Yarwood.

So did Jim and Martin dive into the fun like toddlers on tartrazine or would they have preferred to have joined Hartnell in Bognor?

Find out here.

Direct download: KP111_Celestial_Toymaker.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:27pm UTC
Comments[0]

“Boing! Boing!”

The unmistakable sound of the bells of Seville (and nothing to do with Peri running down a hillside).

So the JN-T holiday charabanc ends up in Spain in 1985 and his latest jaunt promises country yomps, moth collecting and acid sports, with dinner thrown in – several times over.

The Two Doctors manage to keep out of each other’s way for the most part as Sixie angles for centre stage, leaving his former self to a compulsory makeover, while Peri tries a new accent and Jamie just tries it on.

Meanwhile Shockeye wants the special stuff, Chessene wants special treatment and the superfluous Sontarans await their special appearance with He Who Can No Longer Be Named.

But did the story leave Jim and Martin replete and content or suffering from raging heartburn?

Listen to find out.

Direct download: KP110_Two_Doctors.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:15pm UTC
Comments[0]

“Now go on. Ben can catch his ship and become an Admiral and you, Polly, you can look after Ben.”

The Doctor reminds Ben and Polly they’re back in 1966 – a time (and indeed date) menaced by War Machines, alien shape-shifters, Daleks and gender stereotyping.

They also have to contend with dodgy pilots, aliens with zero personality, lethal haberdashery and a cross-dressing Beatles lookalike.

The Doctor gets the cold shoulder, Jamie gets snogged, Polly gets duplicated and Ben gets lost, while our plucky quasi-companion plays amateur sleuth, armed only with a sharp tongue and a crap hat.

So do Jim and Martin think The Faceless Ones soars into the stratosphere or plummets like a zapped fighter pilot?

Listen to find out.

Direct download: KP109_Faceless_Ones.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:32am UTC
Comments[0]

"Is that finger loaded?"

A good question because nothing is as it seems in Devesham-on-Oseidon.

The horse-brasses are plastic, the dartboard has a functional bullseye and the ginger beer may not be The Real Thing (but its supply is inexhaustible).

Then there's Guy Crayford, who has a spacesuit of vacuum-resistant denim, incomplete underpants and an eye-patch which is purely cosmetic.

And, behind the scenes, the horny Kraals are eager to spread their infection and have been using fake UNIT personnel for practice.

But did Jim and Martin find The Android Invasion to be the real McCoy or as phoney as a Devesham publican?

Find out here.

Direct download: KP108_Android_Invasion.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:49am UTC
Comments[0]

"You've got some of it on your hands and you didn't tell us anything about it. It was very wrong of you, wasn't it?"

The Doctor makes Barbara feel small with a little ticking off. Fair enough though - she had almost died from the stiffest of upper lips (and a dangerously unbathed ankle).

Eco-whistleblower Arnold Farrow fares even worse with a slug in the chest and a ruined holiday, while his murderer - Mr (D?) Forester - escapes with a burnt aerosol and a bloody nose. But the bloody nosey Hilda and PC Bert save the day.

Ian has a knees-up in a matchbox, Susan shins up a drainpipe and the Doctor's spirits sink in a basin as the regular cast prove there are no small roles, just small actors.

So did Jim and Martin find that good things come in small packages or that size really does matter?

Listen to find out.

Direct download: KP107_Planet_of_Giants.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:22pm UTC
Comments[0]

"What is this horrendous place?"

Well, Nyssa, it's Terminus - a place to which Bor was presumably drawn by nominative determinism.

It's a drab old hospital where the porters are metal, the doctors are Goths and the burglars are New Romantics.

The Doctor wins a fight, Nyssa loses her skirt and Tegan draws the short straw, what with Turlough staring at her posterior and the extras revealing her upper assets.

Did Olvir train at the Wayne Sleep Combat Academy?

Is the Doctor's creepy CCTV standard TARDIS issue?

Do the Vanir have enough dog poop bags to last until their next Ocado delivery?

And did Jim and Martin find Terminus to be a real tonic or some used Hydromel?

Find out here...

Direct download: KP106_Terminus.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:35pm UTC
Comments[0]

"No complications."

That infamous moment when the first Ogron on the left accidentally reveals his MENSA potential to his masters but no-one bats a shiny eyelid.

Yes, this is Day of the Daleks in which our intrepid TARDIS twosome wine, dine and enjoy a ride, while Yates pulls rank, Benton pulls out of a minor skirmish and the Brig pulls his hair out as he defends world peace from humans and aliens alike while, no doubt, also taking in washing and doing a paper round.

Will the Jeep Pronto ever make it to market?

Why do people keep giving the Controller dirty looks? Is it his personal hygiene? Or is it because the only kid he ever charges for his sweets is poverty-stricken Charlie Bucket?

And why are the Daleks wasting resources on their minions' make-up when their vital attack force wouldn't fill a football team?

Jim and Martin ponder these questions and try to decide whether this is a red-letter day or 24 hours of ennui.

Listen in for their verdict.

Direct download: KP105_Day_of_the_Daleks.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:41pm UTC
Comments[1]

"The Doctor's almost as clever as I am."

Zoe Heriot may be the Krotons' pet but she must have been expelled from modesty school.

Yes, this is The Krotons, a saga of sub-standard scientists, snaky CCTV spies and shouty fridges from another world.

The Doctor flunks, Jamie fights and Zoe infuriates while the Gonds lack the gonads to take on their reclusive rulers.

Will Beta reveal the secret of transmat to his backward brethren (or is it still at Beta stage)?

From which Brummie enclave of Johannesburg do the Krotons hail?

Will the Doctor's twanged nipple ever recover?

And do Jim and Martin think the story is the work of High Brains or should it be dispersed?

Find out here.

Direct download: KP104_The_Krotons.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:06pm UTC
Comments[0]

"Never trust a man with dirty fingernails."

...Or a face like a Shar Pei's nether regions.

Especially if he exacerbates London's rodent problem, takes advantage of young scrubbers and test-drives prototype orgasmatrons.

Yes, this is The Talons of Weng-Chiang - a strange (Robert) Holmesian melodrama where people pop poison pills, ventriloquist dummies are hands-free and Birmingham has cornered the Chinese firearms market.

Leela takes some clothes, the Doctor takes a boat trip, Jago takes fright and Litefoot takes delivery of a surprise hamper, while Chang prestidigitates, Mr Sin recidivates and a mad old crone expectorates.

So do Jim and Martin think this is a superlative specimen of Seventies sci-fi or do they smell a rat?

Find out here.

Direct download: KP103_Talons_of_Weng_Chiang.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:52pm UTC
Comments[0]

"I hate conducted tours."

Dodo single-handedly sows the seeds of the Doctor Who Experience's eventual demise, way back in 1966.

This month we find ourselves in a land where greedy leaders feather their own nests at the expense of the downtrodden underclass. And it's much the same in Doctor Who's The Savages, screened some 52 years ago (badum tish!)

The Doctor is drained, Steven is ordained and Dodo is reined-in on a world where the big city holds no attraction for our clan of outsiders, a bunch of sapped saps with their very own cheeky girl (but mercifully no Lembit Opik).

Who else gets to use the Doctor's vibrator? Did Jano and his mates manage to video The Daleks' Master Plan? Who's producing destructive vapours and shouldn't their diet be looked at? 

And did Jim and Martin find The Savages to be a shot in the arm or an enervating experience?

Tune in to find out.

Direct download: KP102_The_Savages.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:32pm UTC
Comments[0]

"Let's make this baby fly!"

Said the uncool and un-Welsh Welsh rock 'n' roller Billy, who refrains (perhaps disappointingly) from drop-kicking the Chimeron child over the Shangri-La camp's Olympic size swimming pool.

Yes, it's time to take a look at the distinctly odd Delta and the Bannermen, a tale of a baffling bee-keeper, unnecessary Americans, a shot-down stand-up and life-size plastic soldiers with lockjaw.

When will Ray realise that she's barking up the wrong tree? When will Billy realise he's sniffing around the wrong species? Will the Bannermen have a whip round to get Gavrok a barbecue? And can the Flying Pickets achieve further chart success now their leader has been reduced to smoking footwear?

Don't expect to find the answers here as Jim and Martin struggle to decide whether to mark the story hi-de-high or hi-de-low.

Direct download: KP101_Delta_and_the_Bannermen.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:46pm UTC
Comments[0]

"You have returned to us, Doctor. Your travels are over."

But thankfully not forever. It was, indeed, a long way from being all over. 

So Jim and Martin stagger to their century milestone with their biggest story yet, The War Games.

It's an epic tale of trials, tribulations, heavily corrected (and impaired) vision, and a Very. Stupid. Voice.

The Doctor plays with fridge magnets, Jamie plays the fool, Zoe plays Villa like a violin and the War Lord plays with his real live toy soldiers - and gets a Paddington stare for his trouble.

Romans gawp and mince, wigs wander almost as far as the accents, and the scenery is chewed up, gargled and spat out - even when it's as wobbly as a Quark under enemy fire.

So do Jim and Martin think this is a worthy end for a very worthy Doctor? Or was it ten parts of terrible tedium?

Listen in to find out.

Direct download: KP100_The_War_Games.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:09pm UTC
Comments[0]

"A delightfully unexpected afternoon."

Well it won't take up much of your afternoon and there's very little that's unexpected here.

For this is Black Orchid - a ripping yarn of bronchial brothers, lippy bookworms, smutty absentees and a child bride who's passed around like a gold ball at a Telosian rugby match.

The Doctor plays the clown, Tegan cuts a rug, Nyssa finds her double and Adric eats double his body weight in finger food. 

But who is the tweed-trousered killer who's friends with an Amazonian Indian?

Could he possibly have any connection with  Charles "not one of the Worcester Woosters" Cranleigh whose brother disappeared on an Amazonian expedition?

And who is the piratical prat with the badge for mathematical excellence?

Listen to find out...

Direct download: KP099_Black_Orchid.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:45pm UTC
Comments[0]

"I don't work for anybody. I'm just having fun."

Not so much fun for the cold turkeys, the cattle-prodded Mandrels and the eviscerated punters on the good ship Empress though.

Yes, this is Nightmare of Eden and 'nightmare' could be seen as an apposite epithet by the crew and viewer alike. It's a heady cocktail of spiked drinks, unfortunate zips and insurance policy wordings.

K9 needs some obedience classes, the Doctor shrieks about his extremities and Romana gets a nasty love bite (but not as nasty as her dress), while Tryst accentuates the silliness, Fisk makes it uniformly worse and Rigg turns on, tunes in and drops out.

So did Jim and Martin find the story as first class as the toilet facilities or were they glad when the nightmare was over?

Find out here.

Direct download: KP098_Nightmare_of_Eden.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:21pm UTC
Comments[1]

"I am usually referred to as the Master."

Or some very slight variation thereof.

Terror of the Autons is a story where a bloomin' cockernee is masquerading as an Italian, a Time Lord as an astral Mr Benn, Autons as an army of Frank Sidebottoms, and the man himself as BT's most sackable employee. Yet the Master can't muster the energy to think up an even vaguely misdirecting pseudonym.

Plenty of imagination elsewhere though with unfriendly neighbourhood Bobbies, dolls that are a bit too clingy,  armchairs that give you a hug,  a phone you can really get tied up on and gift daffs you really shouldn't look in the mouth.

Can the grumpy Doctor, scatty Jo, and a Maxi full of UNIT defeat the Master and the Nestene Unconvincingness?

And did Jim and Martin find all this plastic fantastic or as flat as Old Ma Farrel's CSO kitchen?

Find out here.

Direct download: KP097_Terror_of_the_Autons.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:16pm UTC
Comments[0]

"I'm not a mountain goat and I prefer walking to any day. And I hate climbing."

If you think Steven Moffat era Doctor Who taxes the mind, imagine being part of the 1965 audience and having to decode anagrams of the scripted lines on the fly.

And the mind is boggled in many other ways by The Time Meddler. How can an 11th Century  monk have a wristwatch, electric stove and gramophone? Has the BBC lost the plot? Has Dennis Spooner been hot-spooning? Or perhaps the pee-drenched padre is to blame and thus a legitimate target of the (extremely) long arm of Doctor Tickle.

Our eponymous hero and visiting Vikings alike get merry on mead from Hur indoors, while Vicki suffers sexism from Steven, the new companion who likes to attack first and ask (too many) questions later. And then not believe any of the answers.

Will the groat ever drop for Steven? Will he find the bovine astronaut he seeks? What do you do if your TARDIS is smaller on the inside? Whose beard is camping out on Eldred's face?

And did Jim and Martin delight in this first ever pseudo-historical or do they disapprove of all this time meddling?

Find out here.

Direct download: KP096_Time_Meddler.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:06pm UTC
Comments[0]

"It's getting rather exciting, isn't it?"

Well mileage may vary and opinions certainly differ a wee bit between your intrepid hosts on this one.

For it is The Stones of Blood, a tale of vampiric slabs, a reclusive mistress-villain with a morbid fear of lemon sherbets and the latest mismatched cop duo - Android and Wirrn.

The Doctor wears a barrister's wig, Romana sports a chav cap and Vivien Fay shows off her deep silver tan. Professor Rumford forgets her words (and her bra) but remembers her truncheon, and K9 spills his guts while being goosed by a jack plug.

The local druids summon a wrinkly comedy star, a camping couple suffer post-coital depression, and two clouds of bling argue the toss while the Doctor doesn't appear to give one.

So did the story stir the blood of Jim and Martin or leave them stony faced?

Listen to find out.

NB: You'll notice that Jim gets a story title wrong - twice. Rest assured that he has been taken away and destroyed in a controlled explosion.

Direct download: KP095_The_Stones_of_Blood.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:57pm UTC
Comments[0]

"I am the Doctor... whether you like it or not."

Ahem... awkward!

Yes, this is Colin Baker's debut debacle as the Doctor, The Twin Dilemma.

A tale of a Hurndall understudy in a dress, two bratty bowl-cut brain-boxes, pestilent parrot people and a hairy slug with an inter-species libido.

And, at its centre, we have our 'hero' who tries to bluster, cower, whine and strangle his way into our hearts, and his poor sidekick, who has probably never felt quite so sidelined - or quite so kicked.

Blood bubbles, slugs slime, sartorial atrocities are committed with impunity and a thieving magpie is fed to the starving masses (tastes like chicken, apparently).

Loathe it or hate it, it's perennially at the bottom of the sort of polls its lead actor despises.

But do Jim and Martin think it lives down to its reputation?

Listen in to find out.

Direct download: KP094_Twin_Dilemma.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:05pm UTC
Comments[2]

"No-one on the Colony believes in Macra! There is no such thing as Macra! Macra do not exist! There are no Macra!!"

Well maybe stop going on about them so much then?

He's right though. This colony is lovely - except for the brainwashing, harrowing jingles, cheerless cheerleading, occupational hazards and the ministrations of hit security group, Ola and the Bootboys, that is.

Oh and the Macra, of course. Not that there are any Macra. Or are there...?

Well, yes there are, as the name of the story implies, and they're a crabby (and shouty) bunch of crustaceans, with their grubby pincers on the reins of power within the colony. Meanwhile, Ben goes over to the dark side, Polly gets a haircut, Jamie has a fling and the Doctor has a problem with excess gas.

But did Jim and Martin give The Macra Terror 11 out of 10? Or did it just wash over their brains?

Find out here.

Direct download: KP093_The_Macra_Terror.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:22pm UTC
Comments[0]

"You're liable to wake up Old Nick going that deep!"

And imagine old Nick's horror when he woke up after a BBC stag do and found that someone had given him a comedy eye-patch and a joke shop scar.

But it's not just the Brig who's had an unsympathetic makeover in Inferno's alt-right universe. Cuddly Sergeant Benton is now brutal bastard Benton and lovely Liz has adopted a nasty wig and an equally nasty attitude. Professor Stahlman, of course, is equally gittish wherever you find him, but Greg Sutton's sexist tendencies have been crushed under the fascist jackboot - and he seems even less likely to achieve penetration with this particular Petra.

Throw in some technicians in wolf's clothing (and Christmas cracker teeth), a soldier shooting himself off a gasometer and lashings of automatic door porn, and we have something of a great big melting pot.

But do Jim and Martin think Inferno burns brightly or does it feel like the end of the world?

Find out here.

Direct download: KP092_Inferno.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:33pm UTC
Comments[0]

"What are you concealing from me, boy?"

Not enough, some might say, for this is Castrovalva - where Master Waterhouse introduces the innocent and unsuspecting viewer to "Little Matthew"

.

But that's not the only harrowing element of the Fifth Doctor's first outing. The Time Lord himself is made incompetent (and incontinent?) by his regeneration but still gets to go on a self-propelling wheelchair and pulls off decent impressions of his former selves - and Basil Fawlty (the War Hotelier).

Tegan gets hot and bothered, Nyssa gets moist and, of course, Adric has a semi on, before they all meet Chardonnay Shardovan and his sheep-in-wolf's-clothing chums.

There's a fly in the ointment, of course, and this one has a risible, raisable platform, a double-decker perspex top hat and a penchant for looking at boys on the dark web.

But does the new Doctor bowl Jim and Martin over? Or is he out first ball?

Find out here.

Direct download: KP091_Castrovalva.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:15pm UTC
Comments[0]

090: Underworld

"Whatever blows can be sucked."

Not The Creature From The Pit this time but a story which could be said, in American vernacular, both to 'blow' and to 'suck'.

It's Underworld - a production so maligned that even most of the sets refused to participate. A CSO mother lode in which Minyans are led by Minions, the proletariat dine on the very rock they mine and gravity does precisely whatever the hell it likes.

Meanwhile, Gwyneth Paltrow gets a drastic makeover, Mr Dors takes it lying down and Leela takes a fancy to a bit-part with a Rohypnol ray. Chuck in some deaf-blind guards, hordes of bored extras and some rather louche lift music and it really does feel like we're descending to rock bottom.

So 'the quest is the quest' but will Jim and Martin see Underworld as a golden moment in Who mythology or will they end up feeling fleeced?

Listen in to find out.

Direct download: KP090_Underworld.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:57pm UTC
Comments[0]

089: The Edge of Destruction

"If anything happens, let me know."

What do you get if you have two episodes to fill with no guest actors and no new sets?

Well in the weird world of Lime Grove 1964, you get The Edge of Destruction - a veritable cryptic crossword with clues from another, different cryptic crossword.

This is, of course, the one where Susan turns sinister scissor sister, Ian seems to have been at the TARDIS brown ale, the Doctor - even with a head wound - still wins Gallifrey's Fastest Butler, and poor old Babs has to hold it all together, despite her pathological fear of Salvador Dali.

Even the Fornicator can't help them as they try to discover what the heck is going on (and what the writer has been smoking) until, finally, the solution springs to mind.

So can Jim and Martin make sense of the sentient ship's clues or will the story leave them on the edge of nervous destruction?

Find out here.

Direct download: KP089_Edge_of_Destruction.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:58pm UTC
Comments[0]

088: Planet of the Daleks

"It was terrible... and then I got rescued by this bowl."

No, not a symptom of BBC budget cuts - although its economically-priced, invisible owner may have been.

It's the Planet of the Daleks - or, more accurately, the planet of the plants which either spy or spray, the molten ice which somehow isn't just water and the locals who are definitely more than meets the eye.

Chuck into this great big ice-melting pot a poorly Time Lord, a lady with an embarrassing fungal infection, some flaxen-haired, squabbling space-squaddies and the most evil wheelie bins in the ninth system, and you have all the makings of an epic six-parter.

But does it deliver like Santa or disappoint like... erm... Satan...? 

Listen in to find out.

Direct download: KP088_Planet_of_the_Daleks.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:21pm UTC
Comments[0]

087: The Crusade

"I'll turn the world we know into your enemy!"

Confusingly, this isn't The Enemy of the World but in fact The Crusade - a swords and Saracens saga of identity theft, cross-dressing and honey traps.

The Doctor is courting intrigue, Ian is caught in a sticky situation and Vicki is caught out cosplaying. Meanwhile Barbara and Princess Joanna are treated like sacks of flour and El Akir should surely be sacked for abusing his Emir's position - not to mention his long-suffering staff.

There's also room for the sage Saladin, the smitten Saphadin and the Unscrupulous Hulk, not to mention some stereotyped light-fingered locals.

So do Jim and Martin see The Crusade as a glorious victory or as successful as one of King Richard's hunting trips?

Find out here.

Direct download: KP087_The_Crusade.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:27pm UTC
Comments[0]

086: The Creature From The Pit

"She tipped the ambassador into a pit and threw astrologers at him."

Public Notice: Beware of low-flying Russell Grants.

What else could this be but 1979's The Creature From The Pit?

It's a somewhat green-tinged tale about an enormous slug who, despite being chucked down a pit and starved, still seems very pleased to see us. He shares the dank depths with Catweazle's charlatan cousin but they're soon joined by a somewhat over-stretched stuntman, a sweaty Doctor, a haughty Romana and a tin dog in the middle of an identity crisis.

Bad enough you might think but they also have to contend with a matriarch with magpie tendencies, Poundshop Fagin and his cronies and a conniving old crone. The addition of the whip-cracking Captain Camp and his homicidal sprouts just makes things even worse.

But did Jim and Martin fall for the Pit and its attendant charms or were they left green about the gills? Listen here to find out.

Direct download: KP086_Creature_From_the_Pit.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:52pm UTC
Comments[0]

085: The Web of Fear

"I shouldn't be down here at all, really. Driver, I am. See?"

Yes, perhaps it would be better if you were absent, Evans. You certainly drive everyone up the wall.

But the Welsh wimp is not the only peril in the London Underground in 1968's The Web of Fear. The slimmer-line Yeti now sling more web than Spidey, Professor Travers is now an old duffer cum Yeti whisperer, Harold Chorley is the obsequious and unacceptable face of the gutter press and somewhere a filthy traitor is at work...

Luckily, Colonel Lethbridge-Stewart is at hand, with his ever-shrinking batallion, while Ann Travers proves adept at rebuffing both amorous advances and unwelcome interviews and, somehow, finds time to smile at a rampaging Yeti.

Meanwhile, the Doctor is delighted by one of his balls, Jamie hides in a bin and Victoria drops an unidentified lanyarded object.

So is the return of this once-lost story a cause for celebration or should it have been left in the cobwebs? Listen here to find out what Jim and Martin think.

Direct download: KP085_Web_of_Fear.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 11:58am UTC
Comments[0]

084: Arc of Infinity

"Rondel - intergalactic region devoid of all stellar activity"

So how come it feels like we've gone on location to Rondel, rather than Amsterdam? There's certainly a lack of activity in Arc of Infinity - and a less than stellar cast, if it comes to that.

But at least we have a trigger-happy Nyssa, a new look (but, alas, same personality) Tegan and a Doctor who seems to be staining his whites with more than grass. And they're up against a naughty, helium-powered Time Lord, a swarfega-spewing 'mystery' renegade and something which appears to have crawled out of Colonel Sanders' bin.

Couple that with a pair of berks who give backpackers (and indeed bipeds) a bad name and a strangely familiar guard captain, who is the bottom of everybody's favourites list, and you have an uneven start to an anniversary season. 

So do Jim and Martin see this story a delicious Edam or a Dutch oven? Listen here to find out.

Direct download: KP084_Arc_of_Infinity.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:40pm UTC
Comments[0]

083: Frontier in Space

"Oh, how very embarrassing!"

That's what the unsuspecting viewer probably said in 1973 when the so-called "large and savage reptile" hoved into view at the top of the Ogron quarry. If only there'd been enough budget to show more than its dangly bits...

But close your eyes for those couple of seconds and Frontier in Space will reward you with many riches.

For where else can you find the third Doctor in hoisty judo slacks, Jo in platform baseball boots and Delgado's Master in a Dracula-collared PVC number with Dalek logo?

And where else could you observe, in one story, twitchy Earth folk, noble Draconians, monumentally thick Ogrons and a stir crazy TARDIS team, who are in and out of prison more often than Mr Mackay?

But does Frontier in Space go where no Drashig has gone before? Or does it outstay its welcome like a Draconian at a UKIP rally?

Listen here to find out what Jim and Martin made of it all.

Direct download: KP083_Frontier_in_Space.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:39pm UTC
Comments[0]

082: The Face of Evil

"Well now, it seems I have been here before."

You have: Planet of Evil. Well... only up to a point.

Sure the red-outlined empty creatures from the id are here again but this time they have Tom Baker's distinctive fizzog. As does the local equivalent of Mount Rushmore (although the DVD cover features someone else entirely, for some reason...).

And cheap terrifying invisible monsters are causing a rumble in the jungle again, but this time they're accompanied by sultry space savage turned stowaway, a shape-throwing shaman whose hat fits like a glove, a chieftain who's just been Tango'd, and the campest IT support team ever seen. Throw in a computer with more voices than Rob Culshaw and you have one of the most bonkers bouillabaisses of the Baker era.

Martin reveals he's a Horda hoarder and Jim displays a positively Luddite awareness of current technological thinking, but do they like The Face of Evil? Or do they turn their own, even more reviled countenances away in disgust?

Listen to find out...

Direct download: KP082_The_Face_of_Evil.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:28pm UTC
Comments[2]

081: The Sensorites

"I rather fancy that's settled that little bit of solution."

OK, that's Billy going way off piste again but six-part saga The Sensorites is all about solutions.

A remarkably serene Susan is the solution to an impasse on a spaceship, the devious Doctor finds the solution to a municipal malaise and the unlucky Ian drinks a solution which may well have previously passed through half a dozen Sensorites.

These frisbee-footed, central-hearted denizens of the Sense-Sphere are a strange bunch. Even without eyelids, they seem blinkered to everything that's going on. And, ill-equipped as they are for darkness, noise and identity parades, they're hardly the stuff of nightmares, so the late arrival of some subterranean soap-dodgers brings some welcome menace to proceedings.

So is this story as soporific as fan wisdom would have you believe? Well pack some fruit and (clean) water, strap yourselves in and prepare for the long haul and as Jim and Martin slowly sense the solution to that question.

Direct download: KP081_Sensorites.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:54pm UTC
Comments[0]

080: Ghost Light

"Professor... what's going on?!"

Good question, Ace.

The last ever classic Who story to be recorded, Ghost Light, is something of a period-piece puzzle - with a few pieces missing.

But it does include dinner-suited monsters, gun-toting maids, an insane explorer, a simian sermoniser and a Neanderthal butler (doesn't every home have one?). This madhouse is presided over by a dusty but upwardly mobile photophobe, with high treason on his ever-evolving mind.

But he doesn't bargain on the devious Doctor and the arsonous Ace, ably abetted by a racist rozzer and an uncontrolled control experiment.

Enter the angelic, anally retentive Light and the Earth is in imminent danger of being purged in a fit of OCD pique.

But can Jim and Martin shed any light on proceedings? Listen in and decide for yourself.

Direct download: KP080_Ghost_Light.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:33pm UTC
Comments[0]

079: Meglos

"Haven't I seen you somewhere before?"

Dunno. Have you watched The Golden Voyage of Sinbad?

Hurrah! It's double helpings of Tom Baker in 1980's Meglos, one bristlier and greener around the gills than the other.

It's a saga of succulents, savants and power supplies wherein Romana is fondled by a bunch of flowers, K9 is assaulted by a bunch of light opera extras and the Doctor is plagued by a bunch of pricks.

Debate rages between the Wigs and the lunatic fringe and the poor man's John Le Mesurier is caught dithering in the middle.

Will Meglos succeed? Is Brotadac's anagram apposite? Will anyone remember any of this in the morning?

Listen in as Jim and Martin discuss ... sorry... what were we talking about again...?

Direct download: KP079_Meglos.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:56pm UTC
Comments[0]

078: The Power of Three

"There are soldiers all over my house and I'm in my pants."

Not what happened during the recording of this podcast episode but a mildly diverting moment from The Power of Three - something of an oasis, some might say.

Yes, this is the story of the boring slow invasion. The Doctor's bored, Rory's out of washing powder, Amy sniffs some milk and Brian spends hours sitting around watching the box. Never fear - maybe Kate Stewart's drone (voice, not military hardware) and a half-baked, blink-and-you'll-miss-him hologram will liven things up? And maybe they won't.

But who (and why) are the grill-faced nurses? Does the little girl who lives full-time in Rory's waiting room now have squatters' rights? And does having carked it for half an hour count as a near death experience?

Listen in to hear Jim and Martin tackle all these questions - and a serious attack of ennui.

Direct download: KP078_Power_of_Three.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:34pm UTC
Comments[0]

077: The Mind of Evil

"Well thank you, Brigadier! But do you think that for once in your life you could manage to arrive before the nick of time?"

I'd leave it another half hour next time if I was you, Brig.

Yes, the third Doctor is being as pleasant as a fart in a spacesuit again, this time in The Mind of Evil - a six-part saga of surprised screws, conniving cons, a bucket of evil and 1971's Cigar Smoker of the Year.

The Doctor crosses his eyes, the Master mesmerises with his eyes and Jo chucks hot tea into an inmate's eyes - all part of a day's work for UNIT, a small organisation tasked with running peace conferences, escorting missiles, protecting the Earth and, no doubt, taking in washing.

But is Chin Lee really the only 'dolly' Chinese girl in Europe? Why is the Master menaced by a coke float? And is any swarfega tagliatelle ever really complete without a sun-dried glass eye?

Listen in to hear the answers to none of these questions.

Direct download: KP077_Mind_of_Evil.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:18pm UTC
Comments[0]

076: Time-Flight

"It's not exactly dull travelling with the Doctor."

Not normally, Tegan. Not normally...

But this is the season 19 closer, Time-Flight, in which the Doctor seems to be under heavy sedation, OmNyssia knows all the answers, Tegan remains an air hostess (not that she ever hints at this) and Adric is still dead (mercifully).

The Master is at large too, coercing a plane-full of extras into caressing an inner sanctum, wherein lies a battery crammed full of blokes and an orang-utan's family jewels. He also finds time to co-ordinate a platoon of turd men, all while nursing a projectile cold.

But which passenger is Victor Foxtrot? Why is Concorde's progress monitored from a broom cupboard? And why on (prehistoric) Earth is the Master cosplaying as the last Widow Twankey in the job centre, even when he's on his Jack Jones?

Listen in to hear Jim, Martin and special guest Ian Atkins pick through the wreckage.

Direct download: KP076_Time-Flight.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:31pm UTC
Comments[0]

075: Planet of Evil

"Usually I only entertain friends in the TARDIS."

Everyone off to the tinselled Type 40 then for some serious wassailing! Like all the best parties, we'll no doubt end up clustered around the food machine.

Yes, it's our snow-capped Christmas 2015 edition in which Jim and Martin cast their occuloid trackers over the 1975 Tom Baker space epic (Forbidden) Planet of Evil and then appraise - but not unanimously praise - the last four episodes of 2015's Series 9, all under the influence of listener-brewed ale!

Many questions arise...

How much chest-hair should Morestran men of a certain age be revealing? Is a visit to Blackpool really that scary? And did Clara's 479th tear-stained death leave the lads' eyes as red as Sorenson's?

Listen and find out!

Direct download: KP075_Planet_of_Evil.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:43pm UTC
Comments[0]

074: Vincent and the Doctor

"Is this how time normally passes? Really slowly and in the right order?"

No, not a comment from one of our long-suffering listeners but one of the many amusing lines from Vincent and the Doctor, in which the Doctor tilts at wind, Amy is a typical Brit abroad (either shouting at or chatting up the locals) and Alan Van Gogh puts his paintings to a variety of (un)sanitary uses.

Our heroes dodge marauding locals and their bouncing bottoms, skewer a catering-sized invisible chicken and endure both bill stickers and Bill Nighy.

But is the episode high art or low-brow?

Listen to find out what card-carrying philistines Jim and Martin make of it.

 

Direct download: KP074_Vincent.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:45pm UTC
Comments[0]

073: Blink

"Okay. Not sure but really, really hoping... pants?"

No, not your hosts feeling their presents on Christmas morning but the ludicrously-named Laurence Nightingale in the much-lauded Blink - a tale of kinetic statues, exploding hens, dumbfounding DVD extras and a pro-celebrity wedding.

And it prompts a number of burning questions...

Is it really possible to be unsure of your underwear status?

Is Martin hinting that he lives in a house called Easter Debenhams?

And can people stop saying 'timey-wimey'? Please?

So did the Weeping Angels command Jim and Martin's full attention? Or did our intrepid podcasters struggle to keep their eyes open?

Find out here.

Direct download: KP073_Blink.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:31pm UTC
Comments[0]

CapaldiCast 9.3 / 9.4: Under The Lake / Before The Flood

"This is called The Bootstrap Paradox. Google it."

So now we have to do some homework before settling down to our favourite programme?

Maybe not, as we get an explanation of what's going to happen before (and after) we watch it happen in Before the Flood. Oh for the simpler if more claustrophobic pleasures to be found Under The Lake.

And our pre-titles primer also involves the fourth wall of the TARDIS being demolished and the Doctor turning his amp up to 11 (again).

So Jim and Martin marshal together their views on what turned out to be very much a game of two halves - and even manage to do so without uttering the dreaded 't-w' word.

And the lads close with a decision of which Tegan's Aunt Vanessa would have been proud.

Uncover (some of) the mystery here.

Direct download: CC9.3_9.4_Under_Lake_Before_Flood.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:51pm UTC
Comments[0]

CapaldiCast 9.1/9.2 The Magician's Apprentice / The Witch's Familiar

"Supreme Dalek... your sewers are revolting!"

B'dum tish! He's here all week, laydeez 'n' gen'lemen... For the next ten weeks, in fact.

Yes, the Doctor's back on our screens and straight into in a touching but mutually mendacious bromance with Ole One-Eye (or is that Three-Eyes now?)

Davros weeps, the Doctor shreds, Missy larks about and Clara has a communication breakdown, albeit in familiar surroundings. And Snake Face has a roller skate and segway race... with himself(s).

But what's in the Doctor's confession dial? Why does Missy want the Doctor to live? And just what is the elephant in the 12th century arena?

Jim and Martin bang on about it all right here...

Direct download: CapaldiCast_9_1_2_Magicians_Apprentice_Witchs_Familiar.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:20pm UTC
Comments[0]

072: Revelation of the Daleks

"That would have created what I believe is called 'consumer resistance'."

True dat, Davros. Much as many people would like to get rid of the occasional relative, eating them rarely presents itself as a viable option.

A Marxist stand-up masquerading as a crap Dee-Jay is also likely to put off customers (even the comatose ones), while melting mutants, hybridised heads and flying Kaled fingers might even prompt punters to look elsewhere than Tranquil Repose for their funerary needs.

Yep, this is Revelation of the Daleks wherein Davros is nought but a head in a tank, Jobel is a spam-head under a rug, Orcini has a tin leg, Tasembeker thinks with her knuckles and good old Lilt communicates with his.

But do Jim and Martin find this story irresistible? Or would they prefer a steaming plateful of The Great Healer's patented (but 'orrible) 'I can't believe it's not Quorn' (TM)?

Find out here!

Direct download: KP072_Revelation_of_the_Daleks.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:41pm UTC
Comments[0]

071 The Gunfighters

"Let's hope the piano knows it."

Merely false modesty from virtuoso ivory ticklers Steven "Regret" Taylor and Dodo "Dodo" Chaplet as we soon discover in the horse-flop flecked epic, The Gunfighters.

The Doctor ("Caligari") has a busted tooth extracted but that ain't the only malfunctioning thing coming out of anyone's mouths in this one... no siree! For accents shuttle back and forth across the Atlantic like speeding bullets, often more Tottenham than Tombstone.

But can our Doc and his fellow "thesbians" survive the crossfire between the more whiskery (whiskey-ery?) Doc and the Clantons?

Is Charlie the Barman related to Ghostlight's Nimrod?

And is it possible to have a song entirely bleached from one's mind? And, if so, where does Jim sign?

So stop right there stranger an' take a listen to this here podcast to find out the answers. To some other questions.

NB: Our thanks to Keeper1st on YouTube for the basis of the accompaniment for the song at the top of the episode. No thanks whatsoever to Jim for the "singing" though.

Direct download: KP071_The_Gunfighters.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:52pm UTC
Comments[0]

070 The Pirate Planet

"Dross and baubles!"

A three-word review of The Pirate Planet by the salty cyborg himself?

Perhaps. Not that there's much in the way of baubles, except for a compact and bijou planet made entirely from sweetie wrappers.

But there are some monkish mentalists who need a decent kip, a dangerously incontinent tin budgie and a heaving metropolis of eight souls (or eleven if you include the cosmos's crappiest granddad, his doe-eyed granddaughter and her trigger-happy intended).

Does some semblance of an intellect lie behind the Pirate Captain's relentless ranting? What's his kinky nurse-patient role-play all about? And could his garrison of gimp guards even hit a cow's arse with a banjo?

Listen in as Jim and Martin ponder these questions while also wondering if walking the plank might be preferable to sitting through this again.

Direct download: KP070_Pirate_Planet.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:01pm UTC
Comments[0]

069: The Invasion

"Isobel... where are yoooouuu?"

Come to that, where is Scooby Doo? Shouldn't he be with those crazy kids in the Big Smoke's syewers (sic) trying to take shots of scary Cyberm'n (one of them's sick).

It's all because of The Invasion, masterminded by perma-winking Tobias Vaughn and his woefully inept sidekick (and arse-kick), Packer.

The Doctor has an eye for a photo opportunity, courtesy of our snappy flapper, but Jamie proves not to be as photogenic as Zoe's spangly bottom, despite his family-friendly weighted kilt. And the jury's still out as to whether his dirk is more impressive than Jimmy's chopper.

Does Cyber-Plan B make any sense? Why hasn't Vaughn killed Packer several times by now? And should we petition Philip Morris to recover those missing action sequences?

See if anything "has been agreeed" by Jim and Martin in this mammoth episode.

You'll need the stamina of a Cyberm'n to listen to it all.

Direct download: KP069_The_Invasion.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:45pm UTC
Comments[0]

068: The Robots of Death

"You know, you're a classic example of the inverse ratio between the size of the mouth and the size of the brain."

No, the Doctor isn't addressing your gentle hosts but Martin's favouritest actor ever is on the receiving end.

It's The Robots of Death - a tale of unwelcome bike reflectors, irresistible make-up and ludicrous millinery.

The Doctor and his mousy sidekick, Leela, are in a sand miner and in the frame for the mysterious marigold murders. But who's behind the rubber-gloved death-dealing droids?

The exasperated Uvanov? The bellowing Borg? Surely not tottietastic Toos? Or might the face, voice and trousers of another crew member put him under suspicion? Just maybe?

Listen in to hear if Jim and Martin can get to the sub-stratum of this miner problem.

Direct download: KP068_Robots_of_Death.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:36pm UTC
Comments[2]

067: Frontios

“The earth is hungry. It waits to eat. I can see them. They are the appetite beneath the ground.”

Mark Strickson now regrets snacking on Daz before shooting his key scenes in the 1984 comedy-woodlice fest, Frontios.

And these unrealistic bugs are not the only threat to our bespectacled cricketer, rabid schoolboy and Australian android from the Ministry of Silly Walks. No, there's a meagre monarch, his gruff 'no man', an oaken Orderly and his whiskery chum from the Village People.

But help is at hand in the form of Mr Raaaaaange (science officer and prophet of doom), his comely daughter and, inadvertently, the chief snot-encrusted Tractator - a creature with a nose for a nonsensical plan.

But how offensive is a chicken* vol-au-vent (*other fillings are available)? More or less than an exploding hat-stand? And what is the colony leader doing in Joe 90's egg whisk?

Jim and Martin struggle to answer these questions, while trying not to come to blows over the usage of fingers and tools.

Listen here for the whole sorry saga.

Direct download: KP067_Frontios.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:44pm UTC
Comments[0]

066: The Time Monster

"Suffering catfish!"

And they aren't the only ones suffering as Jim and Martin trudge through the lively four-part story The Time Monster, cunningly packaged as a six-part ordeal.

The Doctor dreams of the Master, the Master dreams of universal conquest and Jo dreams of a time when her alien colleague doesn't keep treating her like a particularly backward schoolgirl. Queen Galleia is icy, the Brig is frozen and Benton is a tad chilly in his birthday suit (well that's his excuse anyway).

Windows are left un-cleaned, Yates is doodle-bugged and Future Blackadder is swatted like a fly, while his countrymen flee from the Man-Sized Budgie of Ancient Lore.

All this and more padding than an Abzorbaloff cosplayer.

But does the story keep its head above the rising tide of plot inertia?

Listen in to find out.

Direct download: KP066_The_Time_Monster.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:55pm UTC
Comments[0]

065: Warriors' Gate

"There are three physical gateways and the three are one. The whole of this domain, the ancient arch, the mirrors. All the gateways are one."

You what? Run that by me again...

Don't expect any more sense than this from anyone else, for this is Warriors' Gate - a tale with dialogue so oblique it makes Samuel Beckett sound like Dan Brown.

It's an odd sort of a place too, wherein suits of armour give history lessons, lion men fail to tip waitresses and everywhere could do with a touch of colour to cheer it up a bit.

The Doctor's flipping, Adric's tossing and Romana's turning away from her TARDIS chums. K9's lost his marbles and Rorvik's losing his rag as his bumbling underlings are set to lose the E-Space/N-Space Crew of the Year competition by some margin.

So will Jim and Martin stagger through the choking fog of befuddlement to reach the sunlit uplands of understanding? Or will what remains of their brains melt in the attempt?

Listen in to find out.

Direct download: KP065_Warriors_Gate.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:12pm UTC
Comments[0]

064: The Happiness Patrol (& Last Christmas)

It's all in there somewhere. Caramel, sherbet, toffee, marzipan, gelling agents, it's all in motion.”

No, not a description of Jim and Martin's stomachs on Christmas night but rather the innards of the Kandy Man, part-time lethal confectioner and full-time Bertie Bassett stunt double.

Yes, we're on Terra Alpha, a dystopian colony ruled over by painted Thatchalike, Helen A, and her gun-toting Hen Party, The Happiness Patrol.

The over-athletic Doctor plays the spoons, the occasionally-catatonic Earl plays the harmonica and horrid old Helen A plays with her Fifi - her hermaphrodite wolf-poodle, that is. We don't know what you were thinking...

The unrealistic streets teem with low-speed traffic and shambling work-shy drones while, underneath, pound-shop Yodas bark unintelligibly about Gordon Bennett.

And the TARDIS turns pink, as do Whovian cheeks when the Kandy Man appears while any Not-We are in the room.

So did Jim Y and Martin Z enjoy watching it? Or was the experience as hollow as Sylv and Sophie's laughter?

 

Listen in to find out.

Direct download: KP064_Happiness_Patrol.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:28pm UTC
Comments[0]

063: The Chase

"This game of hide and seek through time is wearing a little thin now."

We couldn't have put it better ourselves, Chesterfield.

Yes, it's the 1965 Dalek story The Chase we're talking about - a tale of bagpipe creatures, a highly annoying hayseed, living vegetation (gasp!), under-utilised plungers and a space pilot with a panda fetish.

The Doctor encounters a robot look-unlike, Ian 'dad dances', Babs plays cowboys and Indians and Vicki laughs like a loon.

The Daleks are no more impressive, hoisting their skirts and staggering through the six episodes in a quagmire of coughing, nonsensical chanting and painfully slow mental arithmetic.

Jim and Martin search for some meaning to it all but do they find it?

Listen here to find out.

Direct download: KP063_The_Chase.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:33pm UTC
Comments[0]

062: Pyramids of Mars

"In my presence, you are an ant, a termite. Abase yourself, you grovelling insect!"

So once again Sutekh's arrogance management classes fail to deliver and he's left in his sub-Saqqaran tomb for a few more centuries, waiting for another gentleman caller.

And he had a lot going for him: a puppet archaeologist, a loyal (if irascible) Egyptian organist, a low-tech PIN-pincher and some busty yummy mummies.

Laurence is wide-eyed, the Doctor is boggle-eyed and Marcus has eyes like piddle-holes in the snow, while Sarah is eyeing an escape route to 1980 (but not the crappy one).

Why is Sutekh's cell so well-appointed? Why doesn't someone push a broom around the priory every now and then? And just who is Eternity's Cushion Plumper?

Listen to find out if the answers lie in the Pyramids of Mars and what score (hint hint) Jim and Martin give the serial.

 

Direct download: KP062_Pyramids_of_Mars.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:25pm UTC
Comments[0]

CapaldiCast 1.11/1.12 - Series 8 Finale

"I am an idiot with a box and a screwdriver."

So after 12 weeks of soul-searching and self-scrutinisation, this is the conclusion the Doctor comes to.

Not the only disappointment, perhaps, during the two-part Series 8 finale, Dark Water and Death in Heaven.

Clara is not the Doctor, Missy is the Master (though perhaps not one worthy of the name) and Dead Danny becomes a Cyberman who saves the world. So far, so predictable.

But a Time Lord travelling by Mary Poppins' umbrella, an undead metallic Brigadier and skeletons who become Cybermen after a bout of inclement weather are a little less by-the-book.

But did Jim and Martin feel it all amounted to a satisfying end to the excellent Series 8? Or an embarrassing, drunken hurling-up after a feast of great Who?

Listen in to find out.

 

Direct download: KP_CC_1_11_12_Finale.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:55pm UTC
Comments[0]

No, we're not saying Dark Water was a non-episode - just that we're not going to do an individual podcast episode on it.

Instead, we'll wait until the full two-part Series 8 finale is completed - Dark Water and Death in Heaven - before opening our pie-holes and spewing forth.

After 10 weeks straight, we're sure your ears could do with the rest.

See you in a week or so...

 

Jim & Martin Krynoid

Direct download: dark_water.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 11:01pm UTC
Comments[0]

CapaldiCast 1.10 - In the Forest of the Night

"Farewell to the Ice Age. Welcome to the Tree Age. Possibly."

Chilling words (possibly), even to the most ardent of tree-huggers.

So the world is covered in trees and the TARDIS is swarming with children in the latest series 8 episode, In the Forest of the Night.

The Doctor tries to work out what's going on, Clara tries to remember she's a teacher, Danny tries to dazzle the eye(s) of the tiger and the kids try everyone's patience.

Wolves chase people (slowly), Nelson's Column droops and a missing person is found in a shrubbery.

So Jim and Martin can't help being reminded of the words of the White Guardian: "Nothing will happen. Nothing at all. Ever..."

 

Direct download: KP_CC_1_10_Forest.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:19pm UTC
Comments[0]

061: Mindwarp

"As from today... I can put any brain into any body, anywhere."

Maybe there's finally hope for the Krynoid Pod boys then?

Whether or not they're up for a shaved head and a sex change is another matter but that is the fate of Kiv, chief Mentor and mega-capitalist Sil-botherer, at the expense of poor old Perpugilliam Brown.

Is the scenery of Thoros Beta competing with Old Sixie's coat for day-glo garishness? Can the Lukoser shut his mouth? Come to that, can Brian Blessed shut his mouth? Please.

Mindwarp is the second section of The Trial of a Time Lord but did Jim and Martin find watching it to be a mind-warping trial?

Find out here.

Addendum: this podcast was recorded before the sad news of Lynda Bellingham's passing. She was a well-loved actress and a very funny lady and, whatever happened around her in season 23, her performance as the Inquisitor was never less than excellent. Our thoughts are with her friends and family and this podcast episode is dedicated to her memory.

Direct download: KP061_Mindwarp.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:53pm UTC
Comments[0]

CapaldiCast 1.9 - Flatline

"Why Doctor Oswald, you are hilarious!"

So Clara plays the Doctor, Rigsy plays her companion and the Doctor plays Thing from The Addams Family in the latest series 8 episode, Flatline.

The TARDIS has shrunk and swallowed the Doctor, while rugs are swallowing people and Danny may not be swallowing Clara's tall tales.

Would you sacrifice yourself for the price of a hairband? Would you take a personal call while trying to combat an alien attack in a swinging chair? And can you pull off a TARDIS-backed hermit crab cosplay?

Jim and Martin ponder these three-dimensional problems through the single medium of sound.

Join them.

 

Direct download: CapaldiCast_1_9_Flatline.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:52pm UTC
Comments[0]

CapaldiCast 1.8 - Mummy on the Orient Express

"Are you my mummy?"

Yes, they couldn't resist it.

No blitz-dodging, gasmark-wearing nippers this time though, just a rancid old vet that even a decent vet couldn't save.

For he is the Mummy on the Orient Express who, despite his state-of-the-art soldiering kit is not really what the passengers had in mind when they were promised "all mod cons".

The Doctor plays Poirot, Clara looks in need of a Charleston and Perkins bears an uncanny resemblance to "that disc jockey" (but thankfully not the white-haired Hartnell-alike).

Jelly babies are shared, old ladies fulfill their job descriptions and the kitchen staff are let outside for a breath of fresh vacuum.

But is it a rattling good locomotive of an episode? Or derailed stock which refuses to roll?

Jim and Martin take rather more than 66 seconds to decide.

 

 

Direct download: CapaldiCast_1_8_Mummy.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:39pm UTC
Comments[0]

CapaldiCast 1.7 - Kill The Moon

"The Moon's an egg."

Does that make The First Men in the Moon "soldiers"?

No? Suit yourselves...

Yes, Kill The Moon is another fandom-splitting episode where science and credibility are cast onto the altar of pure daft entertainment.

The Doctor opts out of a big decision, Clara opts out of the democratic process and Courtney opts out of school, hardly a way to brush up her presidential skills.

Do male astronauts wear red shirts under their space suits? How many conkers does it take to ward off a badger-sized spider? And how painful is it to lay an egg larger than oneself?

Listen in - but don't expect any logical answers.

Direct download: CapaldiCast1_7_Kill_The_Moon.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:06pm UTC
Comments[0]

CapaldiCast 1.6 The Caretaker

"I'm the new caretaker. John Smith... most people just call me the Doctor."

Skilled exponent of the deep cover persona, the Doctor wields a broom and a non-sonic screwdriver in his new-found role as The Caretaker.

Naturally, this makes life very difficult for the peripatetic Clara and her new (but already long-suffering) beau, Mr Danny Pink.

A Skovox Blitzer is whizzing around disarming policemen and vandalising school property but the real fireworks happen in the TARDIS when Smith-Oswald-Pink triangle finally comes together and seemingly blows instantly apart.

Danny gives Clara an ultimatum (surely flowers are more romantic?), Courtney defiles the time-space machine with her disruptive effluence, and Space Dad gets proprietorial over his impossible little princess.

But does all this a decent Doctor Who episode make?

Listen in to hear what Jim and Rob make of it all.

Direct download: KP_CC_1_6_Caretaker.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:33pm UTC
Comments[0]

CapaldiCast 1.5 Time Heist

"I hate the architect."

Another dose of self-loathing from the Doctor? Or has he just watched 'The Towering Inferno' once too often?

Well it's one of many questions and many twists in the oh-so-tricky Time Heist - a tale of the cloned mega-rich, sunken-headed criminals, a love-lorn mind muncher and a motley crue of amnesiac bank robbers.

One's a top-drawer impressionist, another is wired for data, and a third might end up being late for a much less important date. All are called to heel by some unnaturally assertive eyebrows.

Why are they there? What are they trying to steal? And what exactly did that naughty Sensorite get up to?

Jim and Rob do some detective work and try to crack the incredible case of the Successful Steve Thompson Story.

Listen in to see how they got on.

 

 

Direct download: KP_CC_1_5_Time_Heist.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:12pm UTC
Comments[0]

060: The Sun Makers

"I sense the vicious doctrine of egalitarianism."

Not our words, the words of financially-motivated, fish-blooded fungus, The Collector.

One of The Sun Makers, this blob of seaweed with ideas above its station loves a healthy balance sheet and an unhealthy executionee but meets his match when the 4th Doctor, Leela and K9 visit plutocratic Pluto.

It's a miserable world of wooden tables, cardboard control panels, unappetising curries and clown's-pocket-sized credit cards.

The Doctor moos like a cow, Leela fights like a wildcat and K9 acts like a dog - much to Martin's incandescent rage.

But is the story as saleable as a tray of hot cakes or a bucket of cold sick?

Listen and find out.

Direct download: KP060_Sun_Makers.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:52pm UTC
Comments[0]

CapaldiCast 1.4 Listen

"Fear is like a companion. A constant companion, always there."

And some may think Clara Oswald is always there, in shot.

But not Jim and his mystery new podcast companion.

They wax lyrical on the rather watchable Listen and ponder tricky dates, misunderstood soldiers and canon attacks.

Who wrote on the Doctor's blackboard? Who or what was under the bedclothes? And was there anything outside Orson's spaceship?

For the answer to all of these questions, call Steven Moffat.

 

And, while you're on hold, give our episode a Listen.

Direct download: KP_CC_1_4_Listen.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:04am UTC
Comments[0]

CapaldiCast 1.3 Robot of Sherwood

"No damsels in distress. No pretty castles. No such thing as Robin Hood."

Well it just goes to show that even curmudgeonly old Time Lords can get things wrong occasionally, although the TARDIS team do also manage to encounter a Robot of Sherwood or several during their sojourn in Merrie England.

Hair is plucked, sandals are sniffed, targets are incinerated and a baddie is cast into a vat of boiling gold.

All in a day's work for Spoonman and Clara.

But does the episode hit the target or plummet into the moat of obscurity and derision?

Listen in and find out...

 

Direct download: KP_CC_1_3_Robot_of_Sherwood.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:25pm UTC
Comments[0]

CapaldiCast 1.2 Into The Dalek

"Top layer, if you want to say a few words."

Ooh that 12th / 14th / 271st Doctor is a silver-tongued charmer, isn't he?

Perhaps being poked into a mental Dalek has upset his equilibrium? Or maybe not. Who knows? Who nose? etc. etc.

So Jim and Martin go Into The Dalek and try to discover why the Doctor looks so sheepish, if Clara's was a happy slap, what makes punters qualify for Missy's Heaven and if random words do a character name make.

Listen to their aimless pontifications here.

 

 

 

Direct download: KP_CC_1_2_Into_The_Dalek.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:54pm UTC
Comments[0]

CapaldiCast 1.1 Deep Breath

"And don't look in that mirror. It's absolutely furious!"

Peter Capaldi is the Doctor and Jim and Martin escape their Classic Who bonds to observe him in his inaugural outing, Deep Breath.

It's a Victorian melodrama, featuring a newly-coatless tramp, two attack eyebrows, some amazingly tolerant Londoners and the only restaurant with a negative Michelin star count.

Is age just a number? Does offing a clockwork robot count as homocide? And is Murray Gold really playing a kazoo?

Find out here. Maybe.

 

 

Direct download: KP_CC_1_1_Deep_Breath.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:25pm UTC
Comments[0]

059: The Moonbase

"Clever. Clever. Clever."

Well, if the Cybermen are that bloomin' clever, they'd target the more body-conscious members of The Moonbase crew with their veiny virus too.

Never mind, the silver giants have plenty more plans up their practice golfball-studded sleeves and this spells trouble for the internationally-branded Boyz N The Base.

But they reckon without Gollum Doctor, a lead-swinging Jamie, Polly the Barista, and Ben "Know-it-all" Jackson.

Will the Cybermen be able to cope with the gravity of the situation? Just what will fire extinguishers look like in 2070 AD? And is Dr Evans the most active dead man in history?

Find out (maybe) here!

 

 

 

Direct download: KP059_Moonbase.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:02pm UTC
Comments[0]

058: Robot

"You may be a doctor but I'm the Doctor – the definite article you might say."

 

A statement of intent from the fresh and dewy Tom Baker in his first ever story, Robot.

As well as being introduced to the boggle-eyed Bohemian, we continue the Adventures of Sarah Jane Smith, politely clap Benton's latest promotion and discover what the Brig does with his car keys (and more) at the weekends.

If that wasn't exciting enough, we also meet a crazy-haired professor, an unusually silent politician, a camp Neo-Nazi and Dennis Waterman's Hitlerian ex-wife – not to mention the limp-wristed tin man of the title.

So does the first Bakerian era start with a big bang or a wimpy whimper? Listen in to find out what Jim and Martin make of it all.

Direct download: KP058_Robot.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:10pm UTC
Comments[0]

057: The Green Death

"This fellow's bright green apparently. And dead."

 

What's that you say? Green? And, more importantly, dead? This must be the 1973 Jon Pertwee quorn-clogged classic, The Green Death, then.

 

Wherein the Doctor escapes from Metebelis III and seeks comfort in some cosplay while Jo finds love, the Brig finds a dinner suit at the bottom of his overnight bag and Mike Yates finds the true inner peace that only BOSS's brainwashing can bring.

 

The miners display the survival instincts of lemmings, Dai and Fell fulfill their nominal destinies and Stevens reveals the new staff perk for Global Chemicals employees – a fully equipped S&M dungeon.

 

Throw in some horrific maggots and some horrifically bad special effects and you have something of a great big melting pot – of "delicious" fungus soup.

 

 

So is this a case of "there's lovely"? Listen in and find out.

Direct download: KP057_Green_Death.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:36pm UTC
Comments[0]

056: The Horns of Nimon

"Lord Niiiimon… it is I, Soldeed…"

Words to strike terror into every self-respecting Doctor Who fan.

Yes, Jim and Martin scrape the very bottom of the cavernous Who barrel this time and confront The Horns of Nimon.

The budget is low but the camp is oh-so-very high. Tom Baker and Graham Crowden compete to bite the biggest chunks out of the unimpressive scenery, accompanied by the wrong Romana and the incorrect K9, while Janet Ellis longs desperately for her Blue Peter job offer to come through the post.

Marvel as trained dancers balance enormous bull masks on their heads and themselves on their ludicrous platform shoes. Gasp as the co-pilot flaps his jowls like a demented bloodhound. Consider suicide as Crowden and Baker have the time of their lives, at the expense of the production and its tormented viewers.

But is it so bad it's good? Or is it so bad that it'll split your trousers?

 

Listen in for Jim and Martin's verdicts on this pseudo-mythical mess.

Direct download: KP056_Horns_of_Nimon.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:29pm UTC
Comments[0]

055: Kinda

"You can't mend people!"

Well tell that to a doctor – Who or otherwise.

And the Kinda can mend doolally folk too, turning them from sociopaths to simpletons by simply opening a box. A bit like Deal or No Deal in reverse.

But is Kinda a box of delights or one of Pandora's old cast-offs?

Well, Nyssa's barely in it so that's a promising start but Adric's face freaks Martin out, the presence of both Nerys Hughes and multiple Tegans sends Jim into a priapic frenzy and a moccasin-faced local keeps spouting spiritual riddles.

The Doctor is an idiot, Tegan has narcolepsy and Adric keeps trying to twok the TSS. Couple that with a jester who badly needs his puppet (and more) stamped on, an effete bloke from That's Life roaring like a frightened vole and the Universe's least enticing bouncy castle and you have something of a mixed bag.

But, when it comes to Kinda fans, are Jim and Martin among the We or the Not-We?

Listen and find out.

Direct download: KP055_Kinda.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:15pm UTC
Comments[0]

054: The Reign of Terror

"The events will happen, just as they are written. I'm afraid so and we can't stem the tide. But at least we can stop being carried away with the flood!"

And there's a veritable flood of unexpected stars in the Season One closer, The Reign of Terror.

Rowan Atkinson captures the younger three-quarters of the TARDIS team, while Jonny Vegas bangs them up. Bill Murray busts them out only for Ian to nearly come a cropper at the hands of Rentaghost's Mr Meaker, who himself has another bust in mind when it comes to Babs.

And an extra gets his moment in the sun too – quite literally – as William Hartnell's Lime Grove-inspired agoraphobia prevents him from indulging in a spot of location filming.

The first Doctor's old body may already be wearing thin after walking all the way to Paris but he looks as robust as Charles Atlas next to his galactically feeble granddaughter Susan, who does more to imperil the time travellers than either First Deputy Robespierre or the last-past-the-post Traitor Party.

But even in 1794 or 1964, nothing is black and white, so who’s right and who’s wrong? Robespierre or Renan? Barbara or Ian? Jim or Martin?

Listen and decide…

Direct download: KP054_Reign_of_Terror.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:52pm UTC
Comments[0]

053: The Daemons

"Chap with the wings there… five rounds rapid!"

 

And lo… animated gargoyle, Bok, was treated to several speedy ales at Ye Olde Cloven Hoofe tavern, a far preferable fate than a dance with Mike Yates.

 

Yes, it's the 1971 occult classic, The Daemons – a satanic saga of a renegade reverend, a vile verger, tiresome TV chaps and a reticule-swinging spinster.

 

Yates and Benton are wearing civvies, Jo's wearing a sacrificial robe and the Doctor's just wearing.

 

Who is the Brig's bedfellow? Just what does Garvin get up to with ferrets? And has there ever been a valid justification for Morris Dancing?

 

You'll burn up with excitement. You'll freeze in terror. And you'll believe a sprightly yellow roadster can drive itself.

 

Open up the podcast and bring death and destruction to your mental faculties…

Direct download: KP053_The_Daemons.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 11:00pm UTC
Comments[0]

052: Logopolis

"It's the end… but the moment has been prepared for."

 

The final words of the boggle-eyed mentalist octogenarian Tom Baker, just prior to being trampled by a crusty ballet dancer and so triggering his metamorphosis into the world's wettest vet.

 

Jim and Martin start this episode by skewering The Time of the Doctor but then evaluate another regeneration story, 1981's Logopolis.

 

The fourth Doctor is old and grumpy and the Master is new and campy, while Adric "wunts" to help, Tegan wants to fly and Nyssa just wants to have fun, despite losing her step mother, father and planet in short order.

 

Can Noel Edmonds keep the fabric of the Universe together? Can the Doctor's plan to literally flush out the Master be any more ludicrous? And can Anthony Ainley make any more of a meal of pressing a button?

 

Listen here to find out.

Direct download: KP052_Logopolis.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:03pm UTC
Comments[0]

051: The Enemy of the World

"Proof! Proof! Proof! It always comes back to the same thing."

Well that's what we were all saying when rumours were rife about the recovery of missing episodes, and is also the Doctor's mantra in this now-extant artefact.

Recently exhumed six-parter, The Enemy of the World, is the tale of a Hancock-alumnus with rant-management problems, a shouty youth with claustrophobia and a wet girlfriend, and a jug-eared sociopath who has his hair chewed rather than cut.

The Doctor, meanwhile, is wearing his hair in a new way, Jamie is wearing a gimp suit and Victoria is just wearing.

Did the helicopters, hovercrafts and most pointless piece of machinery in Who history blow our minds or just the budget?

Find out here.

Direct download: KP051_Enemy_of_the_World.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:08pm UTC
Comments[0]

The Weekend of the Krynoid

"I don't want to go!"

A popular phrase this Doctor Who 50th Anniversary weekend. And maybe Jim didn't fancy the visit to Martin's house and all the danger that entailed.

But there was Who to be celebrated and our intrepid podcasters braved crowds, a clergyman and an under-cooked Dalek cake to pay their respects to the venerable Time Lord.

And here's what they made of the veritable (Verity-able?) smorgasbord of Who delights...

Direct download: KP_Weekend_of_Krynoid.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:41pm UTC
Comments[1]

050: An Unearthly Child

"This doesn’t roll along on wheels, you know!"

So there you have it, time travel technology explained in a nutshell.

Yes, it's An Unearthly Child - the first ever four episodes of a wee programme called Doctor Who. We give it six months, if it's lucky…

It's a grimy old saga that begins with a foggy junkyard, a crafty old weasel and a police box that's ALIVE!

Then we go back to our roots and join a convivial bunch of skull-cracking cave people, including a greasy-wigged leader, a prehistoric Lady Macbeth, a mighty-nosed sex pest and a poor man's King Yrcanos.

Ian gets a shock, Babs gets hysterical, Susan gets her freak on and the Doctor gets on everyone's nerves.

Fagin takes on Greg Sutton in a bone-splitting, pumpkin-smashing fight to the death, while Babs borrows Susan's infamous trip-every-trip footwear for a moonlit dash to TARDIS.

So is the dawn of Mankind a good place to kick off our favourite Adventure in Space and Time? Listen in and find out…

Direct download: KP050_Unearthly_Child.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:27pm UTC
Comments[0]

049: The Doctor's Wife
"Like a nine year old trying to rebuild a motorbike."
Not a description of Jim and Martin attempting to produce a remotely professional podcast but the words of a very unusual lady...

Sigh with ennui as Jim and Martin try to understand The Doctor's Wife, despite failing ever to have done so with their own.
Yes, it's that surreal saga where the TARDIS trio land on a friendly planet and witness the exciting new dance duo 'Patchwork People', who put on a memorable show despite possessing three left feet between them.
And where the House Grill speciality is a meaty, sausage-fingered hand in a questionable bap.
But what does Jim keep in his sculleries? And, after 50 years of the show, has Martin really developed an allergy to watching people run through corridors?
Find out in the podcast which is definitely smaller than it appears from the outside.
Direct download: KP049_Doctors_Wife.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:50pm UTC
Comments[0]

048: The Fires of Pompeii

"The great god Vulcan must be enraged. It's so volcanic. It's like some sort of volcano."

Marvel as the next Doctor forges new vocabulary before your very eyes…

Yes, it's Peter Capaldi, in a previous life, as a patriarch who escapes a pumice pummelling. But it's David Tennant as the legendary Time Lord who saves his future self from The Fires of Pompeii, with the aid of his trusty Water Pistol of Death.

It's a tale of armless augurs, stony seers and Sybelline Sisters as born-again Welsh folk Mr and Ms Spartacus end up with prime seats for the Monsters of Rock.

Are fixed points in time pointless? Has Amy Pond branched out into Sister-of-Karn-o-grams? And is the only way up for danders?

Listen in as Jim and Martin, neither household names nor household gods, let their thoughts erupt.

Direct download: KP048_Fires_of_Pompeii.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:03pm UTC
Comments[0]

047: Rose

"Lots of planets have a north!"

Yes, the grinning, jug-eared bloke from Northern Gallifrey makes his debut in 2005s seminal legend-resuscitator, Rose.

Everyones favourite chav, the eponymous Rose Tyler, has a bronze medal in under-7s gymnastics, a boyfriend who goes from annoying to plastic to basket case in 45 minutes and a Mum who all but twerks at passing strangers.

No wonder she fancies a spot of travel. But first she must deal with plastic non-students, a disembodied arm, an internet weirdo and an angry vat of custard. These things happen when a benevolent alien blows up your job.

So what do Jim and Martin make of their tentative foray into nascent NuWho? Find out here (just don’t mention the belching wheelie bin).

Direct download: KP047_Rose.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:10pm UTC
Comments[0]

Our Earlier Podcasts

The Krynoid Podcast has been going since 2009 but only our later episodes are hosted here.

Here are links to episodes 001 to 030 to listen to or download.

 
Category:Our Earlier Podcasts -- posted at: 9:47pm UTC
Comments[2]

046: Doctor Who - The TV Movie
"This cannot be how it ends!"

Well it damn nearly was.

Yes, it's time to reconsider the 1996 Paul McGann TV Movie, with its gun fights, fist fights, car chases, snogging and schmaltz (no way was this an American production!).

The Doctor is now only half-Gallifreyan with a naff syrup and an Addams Family interior design sense, while the Master is now part-snake, part-personal lubricant dispenser, with a penchant for "drezzing" up.

Thank Bod for Amazing Grace with her static tear and innate knowledge of Time Lord temporal mechanics and for Chang Lee's hip high-fiving - keeping us well and truly anchored to the Eighties in this Millennial tale.

So did Jim and Martin enjoy their Whocation in North America? Or did they yearn for Blighty with its breadline budgets, cramped sets and silly CSO? And what do they think of Peter Capaldi's casting as the 12th Doctor?

Listen here to find out, y'all!
Direct download: KP046_TV_Movie.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:55pm UTC
Comments[0]

045: Dragonfire
“I haven't got no mum and dad. I've never had no mum and dad and I don't want no mum and dad. It's just me, all right?”

So who’s this perishin’ apple-cheeked cockernee urchin then? Why, it’s Ace! And she joins the show in 1987’s Dragonfire, which mercifully closes Season 24.

It’s a frosty fable involving a wobbly-headed ANT, some woeful ice statuary and a frigid frozen food salesman.

A screamer leaves, a street yoof joins, a permed old rascal returns, and the Doctor reveals that he is in fact not half-human, but half-lemming.

Who is the little girl (and why)? Does it really take 3,000 years to set up a moderately successful branch of Iceland? And would you buy a fish finger from a homicidal maniac?

Jim and Martin ponder these questions and more (e.g. “Isn’t there something better on another channel?”) so join them as they break the ice and chase the dragon…
Direct download: KP045_Dragonfire.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:10pm UTC
Comments[0]

044: The Brain of Morbius
"Chop Suey, the Galactic Emperor"

The elusive Robin Bland serves up this dubious dish, with a hefty helping of hairy kebab meat, in 1976's The Brain of Morbius.

But it's still a more appetising proposition than the Liquorice Bootlace Surprise at Chez Mehendri, a Bohemian bistro with a red, white and green wine list.

The latest renegade Time Lord may be half man/half Macra with a goldfish bowl bonce but he's not the only patchwork person around. He's joined by a bearded old crone who's a cross between Chuck Heston and one of his Apes, and a home help who's equal parts Richard III, Liam Gallagher and Abu Hamza.

Sarah goes blind and the Doctor gets blind drunk but sobers up in time to blind the Sisterhood with chimney sweep science. Then Morbius broadsides us with a colossal non-canon ball - the bombshell that Tom Baker is, in fact, the mystery 12th Doctor.

It's lively, it's loony and it's lurid so listen in as Jim and Martin bend their minds in an attempt to make sense of it all.
Direct download: KP044_Brain_of_Morbius.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:28am UTC
Comments[0]

043: Death to the Daleks


"It's rather a pity, in a way. Now the universe is down to six hundred and ninety nine wonders."

The Doctor reacts badly to the news of Girls Aloud splitting up. Luckily, the Krynoid Podcast is here to take his mind off it.

After giving Cold War, Hide and Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS the once-over, Jim and Martin travel back in time to 1974 for Death to the Daleks - a tale of disarmed Daleks, operatic Exxilons and homicidal hoovers from the City of Dave.

They play 'Spot the Terry Nation Trope' while also wondering just how terrifying a patch of two-toned flooring can be.

With an empty Dalek 'standing' about and a blushing high priest channeling Spike Milligan, they ask 'Who is the real goon?'

And they plead with Carey Blyton to stop using sax as a weapon.

So why not dive in? Come on, the water's effervescent...


Direct download: KP043_Death_to_the_Daleks.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:04pm UTC
Comments[0]

042: Timelash

"Nobody wants you. Nobody needs you. Nobody cares!"

Well that's the review of Timelash done then.

Nevertheless, Jim and Martin gently tap themselves into the unrealistic Kontron tunnel of the title to see if they can't discover a gem or two.

Baker's baubles get harnessed and Peri unleashes her inner damsel in distress, while Avon dons a Dick 3 wig and channels Henry Irving.

The toga-togged Karfelans are menaced from above by Muppet cobras and from below by overgrown slowworms, little knowing that their dastardly dictator is actually half the man he used to be.

Can the Doctor free them from this terrifying regime, where beekeepers and body-popping androids are a pain in the neck and where 'Tinsel Inside' is considered the highest mark of quality for time technology?

Is Timelash as bad as the fan Hive Mind decrees?

 Yes… indeed… it… is…

Direct download: KP042_Timelash.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:05pm UTC
Comments[0]

041: The Awakening
"Something is coming to our village... something very wonderful and strange."

So is the Davison two-parter The Awakening "wonderful and strange"?

Well the sets are certainly wonderful and there are some rather strange goings on in Little Hodcombe.

There's a bad-wigged nutter with a tinclavic stress ball, a one-eyed beggar with a penchant for ladies' handbags and Ben Wolsey's infamous Reproduction Room, for starters.

Where does old Big Face keep his body? Would an incredulous guppy make a good companion? And just who is the old fella with the wizened chesticles?

Listen as Jim and Martin awaken their feeble brain cells and try to answer these questions, while distinguishing set from location, real person from projection and, rather more easily, stroppy air hostess from straw May Queen.
Direct download: KP041_Awakening.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:21am UTC
Comments[0]

040: The Invisible Enemy

“The age of man is over, Doctor. The age of the virus has begun.”


Oh dear. Time to run this file through McAfee then?

No. Fret Not. These words are spoken by a giant prawn to a Time Lord, just after exiting his body through his tear duct. Yes, this can only be Tom Baker’s bonkers brain-centric epic, The Invisible Enemy.

Wherein the Doctor and Leela, in reduced circumstances, wander about inside the Gallifreyan’s brain, hotly pursued by a hairy-eyed Hitler. Signs are spelt orl rong, a certain metal dog makes his debut as a violent virologist and a behemoth of a bottom-feeder gets pushed around on a skateboard, presumably in search of a suitably large barbeque upon which to end his days.

Now where did I put that Thousand Island dressing…?

Direct download: KP040_Invisible_Enemy.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:53pm UTC
Comments[0]

039: The Tomb of the Cybermen
"I have my own methods... I keep my my eyes open and my mouth shut."

Sadly Jim and Martin don't, and consequently bang on at some  length here about 1967's chilling Troughton tale, The Tomb of the Cybermen.

It's a four-episode epic involving awful accents, anxious archaeologists and cute and convenient handbag-size hit-mice.

Gasp as Victoria falls asleep, Jamie falls into a trance and the Doctor nearly falls from grace as he plays impromptu puppet master - handy really as there's a Toberman on strings and an under-stuffed, self-decapitating metal manikin to contend with.

Our doughty podcasters also find time to reveal the bowel-churning origin of the Cybermats, for whom a damn good flushing is too good.

But don't worry - just sit back, tune in and let Jim and Martin eliminate fear from your brain...
Direct download: KP039_Tomb_Cybermen.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:21pm UTC
Comments[0]

038: The Power of Kroll

"He's not the Great One. He's the Insignificant One. If you're going to have someone imitate Kroll, it ought to be more convincing." 

Yes, it's everyone's worst Christmas nightmare – an enormous Brussels Sprout with its accompanying surfeit of methane. Only this time it's a giant squid god who menaces a model, gives a Time Lord a tentacular tourniquet and reminds some Swampies that it really isn't easy being green. 

Romana goes off seafood, the Doctor loves the sound of breaking glass and Thawn hates just about anyone who isn't Thawn. 

Green crevices, bushy gates and the imminent threat of dangly-bit exposure must have kept Mary Whitehouse on full alert but did The Power of Kroll float Jim and Martin's canoes? 

Find out here.

Direct download: KP038_Power_of_Kroll.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:50pm UTC
Comments[0]

037: The Ambassadors of Death

“I had to do what I did. It was my moral duty. You do understand, don't you?”

Naughty General Carrington tries to justify his nefarious programme of kidnap, murder and the pursuit of pregnant women in the 1970 astronaut caper, The Ambassadors of Death.

Jim and Martin discuss displaced Frenchie faces, play spot the unborn head and debate the nutritional value of an isotope breakfast.

Who is the coolest guest character? Can UNIT sentries really come back from the dead? And which dried-fruit-in-a-prophylactic does Jon Pertwee resemble most?

The answers to all these questions can only be found here (well, the last one at least... maybe).

Direct download: KP037_AoD.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:41pm UTC
Comments[0]

Ambassadors of Death podcast trailer

Jim's brother, Rob, trails the forthcoming Ambassadors of Death episode of the Krynoid Podcast. Creating the trailer before Jim and Martin even had their discussion, he makes some rather uncanny predictions...

Direct download: Ambassadors_of_Death_trailer.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:57pm UTC
Comments[0]

036: The Ark

"Take them to the Security Kitchen!"

Perhaps the Universe's only combined containment and mass catering facility can be found on The Ark, the location of the 1966 Hartnell space opera of the same name.

Jim and Martin walk its corridors to find humans in their underwear and the Fab Four (along with the Groovy One, the Trendy Two and the Gear Three), all suffering horrendously bad hair days.

The Doctor gets an invisible friend, Steven fails to notice a potential girlfriend and Dodo is unlikely to make any new friends, bearing as she does a vile infection and a variable accent.

Is the future of Mankind in safe hands or should the weirdly affable Boris Karloff and the Richard III wannabe keep one eye on the Monoids? Find out here...

 

Direct download: KP036.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:42pm UTC
Comments[0]

035: The Caves of Androzani

"Do you think bullets could stop me now? You stinking offal Morgus! Look at me!!"

So says a man in a gimp suit deep in the blowholes of Androzani Minor. Yes, Jim and Martin take a look at Peter Davison's last hurrah and finest hour as he goes through hell to save Peri in the 1984 classic The Caves of Androzani.

There's soldiers, gunrunners, androids, a rubbish monster, a revenge-seeking hairy-handed, Peri-infatuated madman and an evil and ruthless bag of slime. Can the Doctor weave his way through them all and save Peri? Only just...

Is it as good as its reputation suggests? Listen in and find out.

Direct download: KrynoidPodcast035.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:13pm UTC
Comments[0]

034: Revenge of the Cybermen

"Harry Sullivan is an imbecile!"

Harsh words perhaps but the salty surgeon did nearly kill the Doctor… twice.

Yes, it's the 1975 space opera, Revenge of the Cybermen, in which our intrepid TARDIS team battle a slimy U-Boat commander, an emotional silver giant and a horde of mad blinged-up old women.

The Doctor's narcoleptic, Harry's apoplectic and Sarah may well go septic so take the slow train with Jim and Martin and see whether all that glitters is gold.

Direct download: KP034_Revenge.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:58pm UTC
Comments[0]

033: Battlefield

"Oh shame!"

Just Brigadier Winifred Bambera's catchphrase or also a two-word review of the 1989 Sylvester McCoy story, Battlefield?

You decide as Jim and Martin sit huddled in No Man's Land while iffy dialogue, dodgy acting and poor special effects zing past their tortured eyes and ears, only finding solace in their most puerile running gag yet.

They ponder weighty issues such as the merits of film over video, the mysteries of chemistry, McCoy's anger mismanagement and the messier side of the Brig's descent into senility.

They say all is fair in love and war but is the KP review fair? Listen and decide...

Direct download: kp033_Battlefield.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:22pm UTC
Comments[0]

032: The Sea Devils

"I always find that violent exercise makes me hungry. Don't you agree?"

Yes, Gallifrey's very own silver-haired and rather wrinkly James Bond is at it again in 1972's salty six-part saga, The Sea Devils.

Jim and Martin marvel as the Doctor frolics above, on and below the sea, Jo fights, frets and flies a hovercraft and the Master shows off most of his wardrobe (string vests strangely absent).

Mr Creosote rolls in from Whitehall and eats everything in his path, Trenchard bores the hind legs off a donkey and Cap'n Hart offs an alarming amount of amphibians.

All that with copious sandwiches thrown in. Who could ask for more from Who? 


Direct download: Krynoid_Podcast_032__The_Sea_Devils.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:16pm UTC
Comments[0]

031: The Masque of Mandragora

"Fail me and you will breakfast on burning coals!"

Count Federico introduces Renaissance Italy's hot new diet sensation in the 1976 pseudo-historical epic, The Masque of Mandragora.

The fourth Doctor and Sarah wander round The Village watching look-unlikes fighting and mounting horses, while avoiding executioner's swords, sacrificial knives and cockernee pikemen's pikes.

Gert and Daisy get chained up, the Doctor and Sarah get dressed up and Pat Gorman and Stuart Fell get messed up by the Mandragoran Helix while the light shines out of Hieronymous's eye-holes.

And Dr Phill drops by to give us his expert opinion on the music - made and found - for this one.

Get Jim and Martin's verdict on this 15th Century sword and sorcery spectacular now!

Next up: The Sea Devils

Direct download: Krynoid_Podcast_031__The_Masque_of_M.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:46pm UTC
Comments[0]

1