Doctor Who: The Krynoid PodCast (general)
The Weekend of the Krynoid

"I don't want to go!"

A popular phrase this Doctor Who 50th Anniversary weekend. And maybe Jim didn't fancy the visit to Martin's house and all the danger that entailed.

But there was Who to be celebrated and our intrepid podcasters braved crowds, a clergyman and an under-cooked Dalek cake to pay their respects to the venerable Time Lord.

And here's what they made of the veritable (Verity-able?) smorgasbord of Who delights...

Direct download: KP_Weekend_of_Krynoid.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:41pm UTC
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050: An Unearthly Child

"This doesn’t roll along on wheels, you know!"

So there you have it, time travel technology explained in a nutshell.

Yes, it's An Unearthly Child - the first ever four episodes of a wee programme called Doctor Who. We give it six months, if it's lucky…

It's a grimy old saga that begins with a foggy junkyard, a crafty old weasel and a police box that's ALIVE!

Then we go back to our roots and join a convivial bunch of skull-cracking cave people, including a greasy-wigged leader, a prehistoric Lady Macbeth, a mighty-nosed sex pest and a poor man's King Yrcanos.

Ian gets a shock, Babs gets hysterical, Susan gets her freak on and the Doctor gets on everyone's nerves.

Fagin takes on Greg Sutton in a bone-splitting, pumpkin-smashing fight to the death, while Babs borrows Susan's infamous trip-every-trip footwear for a moonlit dash to TARDIS.

So is the dawn of Mankind a good place to kick off our favourite Adventure in Space and Time? Listen in and find out…

Direct download: KP050_Unearthly_Child.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:27pm UTC
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049: The Doctor's Wife
"Like a nine year old trying to rebuild a motorbike."
Not a description of Jim and Martin attempting to produce a remotely professional podcast but the words of a very unusual lady...

Sigh with ennui as Jim and Martin try to understand The Doctor's Wife, despite failing ever to have done so with their own.
Yes, it's that surreal saga where the TARDIS trio land on a friendly planet and witness the exciting new dance duo 'Patchwork People', who put on a memorable show despite possessing three left feet between them.
And where the House Grill speciality is a meaty, sausage-fingered hand in a questionable bap.
But what does Jim keep in his sculleries? And, after 50 years of the show, has Martin really developed an allergy to watching people run through corridors?
Find out in the podcast which is definitely smaller than it appears from the outside.
Direct download: KP049_Doctors_Wife.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:50pm UTC
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048: The Fires of Pompeii

"The great god Vulcan must be enraged. It's so volcanic. It's like some sort of volcano."

Marvel as the next Doctor forges new vocabulary before your very eyes…

Yes, it's Peter Capaldi, in a previous life, as a patriarch who escapes a pumice pummelling. But it's David Tennant as the legendary Time Lord who saves his future self from The Fires of Pompeii, with the aid of his trusty Water Pistol of Death.

It's a tale of armless augurs, stony seers and Sybelline Sisters as born-again Welsh folk Mr and Ms Spartacus end up with prime seats for the Monsters of Rock.

Are fixed points in time pointless? Has Amy Pond branched out into Sister-of-Karn-o-grams? And is the only way up for danders?

Listen in as Jim and Martin, neither household names nor household gods, let their thoughts erupt.

Direct download: KP048_Fires_of_Pompeii.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:03pm UTC
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047: Rose

"Lots of planets have a north!"

Yes, the grinning, jug-eared bloke from Northern Gallifrey makes his debut in 2005s seminal legend-resuscitator, Rose.

Everyones favourite chav, the eponymous Rose Tyler, has a bronze medal in under-7s gymnastics, a boyfriend who goes from annoying to plastic to basket case in 45 minutes and a Mum who all but twerks at passing strangers.

No wonder she fancies a spot of travel. But first she must deal with plastic non-students, a disembodied arm, an internet weirdo and an angry vat of custard. These things happen when a benevolent alien blows up your job.

So what do Jim and Martin make of their tentative foray into nascent NuWho? Find out here (just don’t mention the belching wheelie bin).

Direct download: KP047_Rose.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:10pm UTC
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046: Doctor Who - The TV Movie
"This cannot be how it ends!"

Well it damn nearly was.

Yes, it's time to reconsider the 1996 Paul McGann TV Movie, with its gun fights, fist fights, car chases, snogging and schmaltz (no way was this an American production!).

The Doctor is now only half-Gallifreyan with a naff syrup and an Addams Family interior design sense, while the Master is now part-snake, part-personal lubricant dispenser, with a penchant for "drezzing" up.

Thank Bod for Amazing Grace with her static tear and innate knowledge of Time Lord temporal mechanics and for Chang Lee's hip high-fiving - keeping us well and truly anchored to the Eighties in this Millennial tale.

So did Jim and Martin enjoy their Whocation in North America? Or did they yearn for Blighty with its breadline budgets, cramped sets and silly CSO? And what do they think of Peter Capaldi's casting as the 12th Doctor?

Listen here to find out, y'all!
Direct download: KP046_TV_Movie.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:55pm UTC
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045: Dragonfire
“I haven't got no mum and dad. I've never had no mum and dad and I don't want no mum and dad. It's just me, all right?”

So who’s this perishin’ apple-cheeked cockernee urchin then? Why, it’s Ace! And she joins the show in 1987’s Dragonfire, which mercifully closes Season 24.

It’s a frosty fable involving a wobbly-headed ANT, some woeful ice statuary and a frigid frozen food salesman.

A screamer leaves, a street yoof joins, a permed old rascal returns, and the Doctor reveals that he is in fact not half-human, but half-lemming.

Who is the little girl (and why)? Does it really take 3,000 years to set up a moderately successful branch of Iceland? And would you buy a fish finger from a homicidal maniac?

Jim and Martin ponder these questions and more (e.g. “Isn’t there something better on another channel?”) so join them as they break the ice and chase the dragon…
Direct download: KP045_Dragonfire.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:10pm UTC
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044: The Brain of Morbius
"Chop Suey, the Galactic Emperor"

The elusive Robin Bland serves up this dubious dish, with a hefty helping of hairy kebab meat, in 1976's The Brain of Morbius.

But it's still a more appetising proposition than the Liquorice Bootlace Surprise at Chez Mehendri, a Bohemian bistro with a red, white and green wine list.

The latest renegade Time Lord may be half man/half Macra with a goldfish bowl bonce but he's not the only patchwork person around. He's joined by a bearded old crone who's a cross between Chuck Heston and one of his Apes, and a home help who's equal parts Richard III, Liam Gallagher and Abu Hamza.

Sarah goes blind and the Doctor gets blind drunk but sobers up in time to blind the Sisterhood with chimney sweep science. Then Morbius broadsides us with a colossal non-canon ball - the bombshell that Tom Baker is, in fact, the mystery 12th Doctor.

It's lively, it's loony and it's lurid so listen in as Jim and Martin bend their minds in an attempt to make sense of it all.
Direct download: KP044_Brain_of_Morbius.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:28am UTC
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043: Death to the Daleks


"It's rather a pity, in a way. Now the universe is down to six hundred and ninety nine wonders."

The Doctor reacts badly to the news of Girls Aloud splitting up. Luckily, the Krynoid Podcast is here to take his mind off it.

After giving Cold War, Hide and Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS the once-over, Jim and Martin travel back in time to 1974 for Death to the Daleks - a tale of disarmed Daleks, operatic Exxilons and homicidal hoovers from the City of Dave.

They play 'Spot the Terry Nation Trope' while also wondering just how terrifying a patch of two-toned flooring can be.

With an empty Dalek 'standing' about and a blushing high priest channeling Spike Milligan, they ask 'Who is the real goon?'

And they plead with Carey Blyton to stop using sax as a weapon.

So why not dive in? Come on, the water's effervescent...


Direct download: KP043_Death_to_the_Daleks.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:04pm UTC
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042: Timelash

"Nobody wants you. Nobody needs you. Nobody cares!"

Well that's the review of Timelash done then.

Nevertheless, Jim and Martin gently tap themselves into the unrealistic Kontron tunnel of the title to see if they can't discover a gem or two.

Baker's baubles get harnessed and Peri unleashes her inner damsel in distress, while Avon dons a Dick 3 wig and channels Henry Irving.

The toga-togged Karfelans are menaced from above by Muppet cobras and from below by overgrown slowworms, little knowing that their dastardly dictator is actually half the man he used to be.

Can the Doctor free them from this terrifying regime, where beekeepers and body-popping androids are a pain in the neck and where 'Tinsel Inside' is considered the highest mark of quality for time technology?

Is Timelash as bad as the fan Hive Mind decrees?

 Yes… indeed… it… is…

Direct download: KP042_Timelash.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:05pm UTC
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041: The Awakening
"Something is coming to our village... something very wonderful and strange."

So is the Davison two-parter The Awakening "wonderful and strange"?

Well the sets are certainly wonderful and there are some rather strange goings on in Little Hodcombe.

There's a bad-wigged nutter with a tinclavic stress ball, a one-eyed beggar with a penchant for ladies' handbags and Ben Wolsey's infamous Reproduction Room, for starters.

Where does old Big Face keep his body? Would an incredulous guppy make a good companion? And just who is the old fella with the wizened chesticles?

Listen as Jim and Martin awaken their feeble brain cells and try to answer these questions, while distinguishing set from location, real person from projection and, rather more easily, stroppy air hostess from straw May Queen.
Direct download: KP041_Awakening.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:21am UTC
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040: The Invisible Enemy

“The age of man is over, Doctor. The age of the virus has begun.”


Oh dear. Time to run this file through McAfee then?

No. Fret Not. These words are spoken by a giant prawn to a Time Lord, just after exiting his body through his tear duct. Yes, this can only be Tom Baker’s bonkers brain-centric epic, The Invisible Enemy.

Wherein the Doctor and Leela, in reduced circumstances, wander about inside the Gallifreyan’s brain, hotly pursued by a hairy-eyed Hitler. Signs are spelt orl rong, a certain metal dog makes his debut as a violent virologist and a behemoth of a bottom-feeder gets pushed around on a skateboard, presumably in search of a suitably large barbeque upon which to end his days.

Now where did I put that Thousand Island dressing…?

Direct download: KP040_Invisible_Enemy.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:53pm UTC
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039: The Tomb of the Cybermen
"I have my own methods... I keep my my eyes open and my mouth shut."

Sadly Jim and Martin don't, and consequently bang on at some  length here about 1967's chilling Troughton tale, The Tomb of the Cybermen.

It's a four-episode epic involving awful accents, anxious archaeologists and cute and convenient handbag-size hit-mice.

Gasp as Victoria falls asleep, Jamie falls into a trance and the Doctor nearly falls from grace as he plays impromptu puppet master - handy really as there's a Toberman on strings and an under-stuffed, self-decapitating metal manikin to contend with.

Our doughty podcasters also find time to reveal the bowel-churning origin of the Cybermats, for whom a damn good flushing is too good.

But don't worry - just sit back, tune in and let Jim and Martin eliminate fear from your brain...
Direct download: KP039_Tomb_Cybermen.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:21pm UTC
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038: The Power of Kroll

"He's not the Great One. He's the Insignificant One. If you're going to have someone imitate Kroll, it ought to be more convincing." 

Yes, it's everyone's worst Christmas nightmare – an enormous Brussels Sprout with its accompanying surfeit of methane. Only this time it's a giant squid god who menaces a model, gives a Time Lord a tentacular tourniquet and reminds some Swampies that it really isn't easy being green. 

Romana goes off seafood, the Doctor loves the sound of breaking glass and Thawn hates just about anyone who isn't Thawn. 

Green crevices, bushy gates and the imminent threat of dangly-bit exposure must have kept Mary Whitehouse on full alert but did The Power of Kroll float Jim and Martin's canoes? 

Find out here.

Direct download: KP038_Power_of_Kroll.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:50pm UTC
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037: The Ambassadors of Death

“I had to do what I did. It was my moral duty. You do understand, don't you?”

Naughty General Carrington tries to justify his nefarious programme of kidnap, murder and the pursuit of pregnant women in the 1970 astronaut caper, The Ambassadors of Death.

Jim and Martin discuss displaced Frenchie faces, play spot the unborn head and debate the nutritional value of an isotope breakfast.

Who is the coolest guest character? Can UNIT sentries really come back from the dead? And which dried-fruit-in-a-prophylactic does Jon Pertwee resemble most?

The answers to all these questions can only be found here (well, the last one at least... maybe).

Direct download: KP037_AoD.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:41pm UTC
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Ambassadors of Death podcast trailer

Jim's brother, Rob, trails the forthcoming Ambassadors of Death episode of the Krynoid Podcast. Creating the trailer before Jim and Martin even had their discussion, he makes some rather uncanny predictions...

Direct download: Ambassadors_of_Death_trailer.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:57pm UTC
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036: The Ark

"Take them to the Security Kitchen!"

Perhaps the Universe's only combined containment and mass catering facility can be found on The Ark, the location of the 1966 Hartnell space opera of the same name.

Jim and Martin walk its corridors to find humans in their underwear and the Fab Four (along with the Groovy One, the Trendy Two and the Gear Three), all suffering horrendously bad hair days.

The Doctor gets an invisible friend, Steven fails to notice a potential girlfriend and Dodo is unlikely to make any new friends, bearing as she does a vile infection and a variable accent.

Is the future of Mankind in safe hands or should the weirdly affable Boris Karloff and the Richard III wannabe keep one eye on the Monoids? Find out here...

 

Direct download: KP036.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:42pm UTC
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035: The Caves of Androzani

"Do you think bullets could stop me now? You stinking offal Morgus! Look at me!!"

So says a man in a gimp suit deep in the blowholes of Androzani Minor. Yes, Jim and Martin take a look at Peter Davison's last hurrah and finest hour as he goes through hell to save Peri in the 1984 classic The Caves of Androzani.

There's soldiers, gunrunners, androids, a rubbish monster, a revenge-seeking hairy-handed, Peri-infatuated madman and an evil and ruthless bag of slime. Can the Doctor weave his way through them all and save Peri? Only just...

Is it as good as its reputation suggests? Listen in and find out.

Direct download: KrynoidPodcast035.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:13pm UTC
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034: Revenge of the Cybermen

"Harry Sullivan is an imbecile!"

Harsh words perhaps but the salty surgeon did nearly kill the Doctor… twice.

Yes, it's the 1975 space opera, Revenge of the Cybermen, in which our intrepid TARDIS team battle a slimy U-Boat commander, an emotional silver giant and a horde of mad blinged-up old women.

The Doctor's narcoleptic, Harry's apoplectic and Sarah may well go septic so take the slow train with Jim and Martin and see whether all that glitters is gold.

Direct download: KP034_Revenge.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:58pm UTC
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033: Battlefield

"Oh shame!"

Just Brigadier Winifred Bambera's catchphrase or also a two-word review of the 1989 Sylvester McCoy story, Battlefield?

You decide as Jim and Martin sit huddled in No Man's Land while iffy dialogue, dodgy acting and poor special effects zing past their tortured eyes and ears, only finding solace in their most puerile running gag yet.

They ponder weighty issues such as the merits of film over video, the mysteries of chemistry, McCoy's anger mismanagement and the messier side of the Brig's descent into senility.

They say all is fair in love and war but is the KP review fair? Listen and decide...

Direct download: kp033_Battlefield.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:22pm UTC
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032: The Sea Devils

"I always find that violent exercise makes me hungry. Don't you agree?"

Yes, Gallifrey's very own silver-haired and rather wrinkly James Bond is at it again in 1972's salty six-part saga, The Sea Devils.

Jim and Martin marvel as the Doctor frolics above, on and below the sea, Jo fights, frets and flies a hovercraft and the Master shows off most of his wardrobe (string vests strangely absent).

Mr Creosote rolls in from Whitehall and eats everything in his path, Trenchard bores the hind legs off a donkey and Cap'n Hart offs an alarming amount of amphibians.

All that with copious sandwiches thrown in. Who could ask for more from Who? 


Direct download: Krynoid_Podcast_032__The_Sea_Devils.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:16pm UTC
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031: The Masque of Mandragora

"Fail me and you will breakfast on burning coals!"

Count Federico introduces Renaissance Italy's hot new diet sensation in the 1976 pseudo-historical epic, The Masque of Mandragora.

The fourth Doctor and Sarah wander round The Village watching look-unlikes fighting and mounting horses, while avoiding executioner's swords, sacrificial knives and cockernee pikemen's pikes.

Gert and Daisy get chained up, the Doctor and Sarah get dressed up and Pat Gorman and Stuart Fell get messed up by the Mandragoran Helix while the light shines out of Hieronymous's eye-holes.

And Dr Phill drops by to give us his expert opinion on the music - made and found - for this one.

Get Jim and Martin's verdict on this 15th Century sword and sorcery spectacular now!

Next up: The Sea Devils

Direct download: Krynoid_Podcast_031__The_Masque_of_M.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:46pm UTC
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